Update from Ingleside, Texas

I am reporting live, on location, in Ingleside, Texas, to report that nothing is going on. Seriously, nothing of importance is going on here at this moment. Apparently, a few miles away there is a gay pride festival, where they’ve got a massive bonfire going on to light the way towards acceptance of gays, but other than that, nothing.

Next week Shrimporee is coming to town. For those of you who have nothing to do with south Texas because of the jellyfish and Texans, this means that even less will be going on. I, personally, will make sure to be in Albuquerque when they wheel out the big papier-mache shrimp and start the festivities. For those that will be here, you can of course enjoy throwing beer bottles at stop signs and eating fried shrimp, which is the only type of shrimp they ever have at Shrimporee.

Yesterday Ingleside put all its high school graduates in a holding pen, where they were given all sorts of prizes, such as a camcorder for those whose parents did not bring camcorders to videotape the graduation; or an alarm clock for students who don’t wake up until noon. I’m guessing they gave out a lot of alarm clocks and very few camcorders, judging by all the testimonials I’ve heard from alumni. (Hint: They are high school students. Let’s be honest, no high school student who is not an utter freak of nature wakes up until noon.)

I will post further updates when I figure out whether the massive insects we saw scurrying about a Motel 6 we stayed at in Kerrville (about a hundred miles out of San Antonio) were in fact adorable sweet palmetto bugs or gross disgusting cockroaches. I think the difference is that palmetto bugs are capable of aerial-bombing their victims.