StumbleUpon: Now a “Caste-Based Social Bookmarking Tool!”

I would really like to know when StumbleUpon went from being an awesome site-hunting database into a “social networking tool.”

I don’t know when people started calling Digg and StumbleUpon “social networking” sites. And I have no clue when StumbleUpon created its X-rating, permanently restricting communication between X-rated users and lesser users. But damned if all of the above didn’t happen while I was gone.

StumbleUpon doesn’t suck horrifically yet. The awesome is still there. You still get good photos of pretty places, a few programs here and there, some great watermelon soap recipes, you get the idea. You use Stumble, you still get some great stuff.

(Along with the obligatory shit. Like Ctrl-Alt-Del and a billion sites repeating the same fucking joke over and over again. Fuck that shit.)

At some point, though, something happened, and now StumbleUpon is a “social networking giant“.

Now look, I guess I get the label. You see, StumbleUpon users are clicking a little button on their web browser that takes them to a new site, and then they thumb it up and then StumbleUpon takes the site and directs other StumbleUpon users to it. Socially. StumbleUpon users are socially clicking a little button on their web browser to find web sites to waste time on. Probably while alone in their parents’ basements.

But still. We don’t need any more damn “social networking” sites. I don’t need to talk to people on the Internet via StumbleUpon, that’s why I’ve got Facebook. What? Is StumbleUpon going to add an e-poke feature so that I can electronically play grab-ass with other StumbleUpon users while clicking buttons to take me to “pictures of famous Virginians” websites? Is that what StumbleUpon wants to become?

We already have our “Untouchables”, the X-rated users. You can’t talk to X-rated users unless you’re X-rated. That’s a StumbleUpon rule, and it will be enforced by death. You want to talk to X-rated users? Then join them in their filthy X-rated filth, that’s StumbleUpon’s message to you.

I found this out, because I was confused when I realized that somebody I knew on StumbleUpon, named Darkspoons, had at some point vanished. All of the posts she had made anywhere on the site vanished.

Then I realized that another great Stumbler I knew, Bryce3, wasn’t there. And a bunch of others.

Then I realized that both of them had been X-rated, for Christ alone knows what reason.

I decided to join them, because fuck it. While I don’t have a strong desire to see “Super Hornio Brothers II” while using StumbleUpon, if not going X-rated means not seeing peoples’ reviews of pages and their comments, hey, I don’t use StumbleUpon enough to care.

Oh, but of course:


If you're G rated, you can't talk with R-and X- rated Stumble users. If you're R- rated, you can't talk with X- rated. If you're X-rated, you can't talk to anybody but X-rated people.

Seriously. On this “social networking site”, you can be permanently banned from ever interacting in any way with anybody who’s not rated “X”. Apparently a “block posts from this user” feature wasn’t good enough for StumbleUpon, they had to make a blanket rule applying to everybody put into one of three separate groups.

To hell with that. If I want a “social networking” site I’ll use Facebook. No thanks StumbleUpon.

And don’t even let me get started on Twitter. Seriously, the last thing we need is for anybody else to start accounts on that site. Oooh, you say you gave birth to an octopus while simultaneously slaying a dragon by cutting off his leftmost toenail and using it as a potion to cure the great Princess Xandar III of the Gaian Confederacy of her crippling yeast infection? Big fucking deal. I had breakfast this morning. How do you like that, you octopus fucker?

In the end, you could forgive sites like StumbleUpon and Facebook and Twitter. But why would you? They encourage a caste-based social system, one in which there is the “in”-crowd and the “out”-crowd. If we keep on going on like this, we’ll be no better than your common mud-trotting Hindustani, riding upon the backs of stooping elephants who are, in keeping with Hindu religious beliefs, standing atop small turtles.

This is America, dammit! I want my Internet nerdy and anti-social, just like I want my jocks stupid and my computer technical support to be Indian and surly. StumbleUpon and Facebook are doing exactly the opposite, turning the Internet into something fun for even cool people. It’s changing the world, for the worse. I mean, we’ve got people regularly watching horses sticking their dicks into grown human men. Surely something is going to come of all of this. And I guarantee it will be for the worst.

So, if you love America, stop using StumbleUpon and Twatter, because they are up to no good. Now if you will excuse me, I need to get back to my friendly Indian technical support specialist. Something about therapy.