Bilingual Luigiian: Paying For College With Ameros

THINK lightbulb

I apologize to my loyal readers.

In case you haven’t heard, I failed a Spanish test last week (February 29th), a test that, as my Spanish teacher put it, “isn’t like an IQ test.”

“Don’t worry, you can always fix your grade”, my teacher said.

Unfortunately, my Spanish teacher doesn’t see the writing on the wall. This is representative of a concerted conspiracy effort by the University of New Mexico to deny me my hard-earned scholarship, because the Dean of Students at this school is evil and probably worships Satan when he isn’t helping local Marines burn the Mexican flag. If you’ll recall, I recently wrote about another conspiracy going on at my school involving America Ferrara and Hillary Clinton, in which the toilets at UNM would spontaneously transform into a robot with magic powers who would fix Gov. Bill Richardson’s (D-NM) plumbing. This time, the conspiracy is different, but the reason for it is even more different. Basically, what they’re doing is giving me a bunch of Godawful classes they know I’ll fail so that they won’t have to pay me scholarships and can force me to PAY FOR SCHOOL. It’s a practice so Un-American that you’d think the North American Union had planned it.

north american union

Don’t believe me? Consider the facts:

  1. My Architecture teacher made OUR ENTIRE CLASS finish a project wherein we were to make a tool transform into an insect.
  2. Insects are disgusting, malformed little mutant creatures whose only identifiable purpose is to be used as fishing bait.
  3. All the lines in the drawings had to be PERFECT, which pissed everyone off.
  4. My math teacher is from Bolivia.
  5. I can’t understand a word he says.
  6. Nobody else can understand a word he says either.
  7. He can’t even understand a word he says, or else he wouldn’t be going over the exact same calculus problem every time we come into class.
  8. Physics is boring.
  9. I can’t understand a word my Physics lab teacher is saying either.

So basically, all of my classes suck ass. What I haven’t explained yet is why I am apologizing to you, my loyal readers. You see, it is important for somebody who writes a blog, even if he happens to write his blog in English, to be bilingual. You never know when a hispanohablante is going to wind up putting dry ice in his anus, or steal tacos, or see the Virgin Mary in his sushi, and if that day ever comes, I need to be there, keyboard at the ready, to ask the important questions, like exactly what his expression was when the Butt-Burner Maneuver was performed, what flavor the tacos were, and whether I can have the rest of the sushi. I’m assuming here he’ll be eating summer rolls.

So yeah. I’m sorry I did bad on my Spanish test. I’ll work harder next time. Until then, you’ll have to be contented with my monolingual website the way it is. And if I have to pay for school next year, you can bet I’ll be doing it, because school is important to my future.

Also because I use Ameros.