The Luigiian Site Update: LoopyLines Is Up and Running

Yes, I changed the URL to this site. You can now get to the main page using the following: http://www.loopylines.com. It’ll take you to Luigiianrepublic.wordpress.com. This should make harassing and trolling me that much easier. Don’t hold back, it’s quite entertaining, really.

I’ll update tomorrow, about an as-yet-unnamed topic. Later on, I’ll update concerning an as-yet-unnamed terrible webcomic by a terrible webcomic artist whose name rhymes with “Save Mopkins.” I’ll let you connect the dots here, but I’m definitely hoping I get to see my review on http://badwebcomics.blogspot.com. Somehow I don’t think I will, considering as how I’m asking for my review to get put up in lights on another blog that’s actually popular.

Anyway, see you tomorrow, with that post on Facebook coming up.

Gaddy’s Election

Official News Bulletin

In spite of the Luigiian Republic’s name, I’ve been Governor (or President as the new title is to be after my high school graduation) for ten years (check the banner on the side of this site). My rule has been virtually unchallenged for those years, except for the brief period of time in which Luigi took over, because he’s a Republican fascist Nazi and he hates me, and I hate him. Insult my linguini, will you, Luigi? The President’s linguini? I think not!

“My linguini”And yet, a new challenger, one who has dared challenge my omnipotent role as ruler of the fair Republic, has come to the fore. Her/his name is Gaddy, and he/she says that he/she can do a better job than me, assuming of course that he/she is in fact of a gender. I don’t know if this person is from my school or not; I frankly could not tell if she was from my school if s/he were standing right in front of me and kissed me on the lips. Although if she happens to be female, I will not stop her from doing just that. Please, Gaddy? I don’t care what you look like! As long as you have a face!

Ahem. Maybe not. Anyway, so s/he says that I’m becoming a crusty old geezer, and s/he could do a better job as Governor because s/he happens to be a newcomer and therefore could have new ideas instead of my tired, Prehistoric old concepts of what a governor should be (i.e. an ass-kissing political slimebag). I gently informed her that I would execute her if she tried to become Governor, but she just wouldn’t listen. And of course, the lawyers bitched at me too.

So now, as it turns out, if I don’t let her run against me in 2008 like Luigiian Constitutional law dictates, Senate Majority Leader Yoshima Yoshoi will lead a posse of angry machete-wielding Lego figures to my house. And so, I must announce that elections will be held November 4, 2008 and that the first 100 people who register to try for the Luigiian Presidency will receive a free T-shirt, or something. Oh yes, and they’ll be eligible for the Luigiian Presidency. And then I will summarily execute all of them. And their families, except their first born who I will sell into slavery.

Ha ha! That was a joke! None of that will happen! You’ll just get to be President of the Luigiian Republic! Oh, yes: And I call dibs on Head Architect. You just get to be President. You’ll probably get a T-shirt, and maybe a little plaque or something, I don’t know. All I know is, how it’ll probably work is, I’ll get out my little Excel spreadsheet, and I’ll arrange all the names, and then I’ll assign each one a number, and then whoever’s number comes up the most when I randomly give each minifigure a number gets the prize.

I know, I know, this is a lot to handle, but I have just one thing to say: Give me my dignity, at least. Thanks.

“The Luigiian” Site News: Sissy the Dog Comic? Your thoughts please.

I was about to just keep the post below, about Don Imus, but then I realized I had something else I had to do. Take a look at the picture below:

sissy_the_dog.jpg

And tell me: What do you think about this picture? It’s a cartoon of my dog, Sissy, and I’ve been considering doing a “Sissy’s Life” comic for years now. The only thing is, I’m lazy, and don’t want to wind up doing even more work on the Internet if people won’t look at it. I’m asking you several things:

  1. What do you think of the picture? Is it cute? Funny? Strange?
  2. Do you think the character could pass well as the star of a comic strip? A bit player?
  3. How would you feel about me dialing back “The Luigiian” to weekly so I could devote some time to really making this work?
  4. Would you read a comic strip based on this character?

I ask this because there are many sites on the Internet with a cute main character, and I was thinking Sissy might work. But I don’t have enough time to write both this blog and a comic at the same time. I’d have to put much less into the blog.

What are your general thoughts? Please comment below on what you think.

Luigiian News Number Something: Some Real Humor

I’m exhausted, and my latest posts, I’ve decided, aren’t up to snuff with some of the best humorists on the Internet. So I’ve decided to give those funny guys a little bit of my bandwidth for making me laugh.

Enjoy!

(Thanks to this site)

Do Leather Seats Make Up For Six Decades of Discrimination? An objective analysis. (Sort of)

I know I’ve written a lot about the following two items:

  1. If you want a Japanese car, you should buy it.
  2. Cars in general.

This will stop soon. I’m tired of the feed too. Plus, of course, the writing, subject, and style all sucked. But now I’m even more pissed off. This is due to the following post from YouTube.

You know, this is the sort of thing that gets me thinking, “I spent $100 on a stupid anime DVD set that wasn’t even any good, so that the Japanese can segregate and discriminate against me, my friends, and anybody who isn’t Japanese?” And, believe it or not, this video, as far as I know, is not an exaggeration. I’ll tell you why.

Right now in Japan, there is a massive labor shortage going on. Fewer and fewer children are being born, and fewer and fewer people are entering the workforce. Same thing happens in the US. But in Japan, the people are so angry (or afraid?) of foreigners that they refuse to allow any more in, even if not doing so could potentially interrupt their entire economy.

Sounds just like America. And everybody says the Japanese have been so abused.

I’m sure you’ve either heard or believe this. For decades, the Japanese were forced to completely rebuild after World War II and its atrocities against them. After all, we bombed them; in fact, other nations have ethnic slurs against Americans specifically due to Hiroshima and Nagasaki. We put many Japanese-Americans in concentration camps, killed their men and children, and left nothing in our wake. All over some silly harbor out in the Pacific.

But, then, look at the score a little more closely. The Japanese got where they are today specifically by explointing other Asians!

If I may explain:

  • During World War II, they joined the Axis specifically to help them in their crusade to take all of China.
  • During World War I, their primary accomplishment was in joining the Allied Powers specifically to take German territory in the South Pacific. They got where they are today not by being “abused”, but rather, by manipulating, exploiting, and doing whatever they could to take over all the other people who live in Asia. In other words, they may well be the most European nation in the Northern Pacific.
  • During the Sino-Japanese War, they fought with China to take its land in Korea.
  • Just before the outbreak of World War II, they took all the land in Manchuria (Chinese territory) on a spoof of a reason that would make the Marx brothers proud (i.e. by blowing up one of their own railroad lines and blaming it on Chinese terrorists, please don’t e-mail me 9/11 conspiracy theories unless they’re fun). When the League of Nations attacked the Japanese for this, Japan withdrew from the League, eventually joining the Axis with Germany and Italy.
  • Before WWII, Japan was one of the most militaristic nations on Earth. During WWII, it decided to bomb Pearl Harbor specifically to create a protective barrier to ensure that the United States wouldn’t attack it for taking lands in other Asian countries.

And you’ll notice how much we crave their culture. We watch their animes, drive their cars, and send them tremendous amounts of money for the priviledge. And, in return, the Japanese treat foreigners–not just Americans, but everybody–as if they are second-class.

And don’t get me wrong–there’s nothing wrong with buying Japanese. For many, it’s the best solution. And of course I’m not suggesting that Hiroshima and Nagasaki were right–they were depressing, horrific moments in world history. But the Japanese didn’t get where they are today by being victims of European and American aggression–for that story, look to China, (i.e. Boxer Rebellion, spheres of influence, etc.) Korea (a.k.a. French Indochina), or Vietnam (which I don’t think I really need to get into). Japan got where it is today–as one of the richest nations of them all–by being as European as they come, right down to their modern buildings and militarism (which the Americans forced them to shed as soon as World War II was over.)

My point? I’m sick of talking about cars, and my Japanese rants are getting old. Really, considering the fact that I named the districts of my Lego city after anime characters should really make me consider stopping the whole craziness of the thing. The last three or four posts are really just me thinking over what I should do, influenced by nationalism, well-intentioned but opinionated information, and my needs. What does one do?

Well, for one thing, they stop sucking up bandwidth, which sounds, frankly, good to me.

Whoops.

All right, here’s the deal. I know I said I’d post one of these webcomics on the site today, but then I realized it had a reference to Osama Bin Laden, and, seeing as how tomorrow is September 11 and they might attack us again, I decided not to offend, traumatize, or get killed by the CIA. I have deep respect for anyone who was killed or saved lives in that tragedy; I suppose with all this terrorist talk lately, I’ve just sorta subliminally internalized it.

The webcomic will be part of a serial on “Bin Laden” at Sara and Milo’s school (which means that once I post it, you might not understand it for a little while).

In other words, that comic I promised will be here on or around the 13th, when the danger clears. Let’s hope I don’t have any reason not to post it.

The Webmaster’s Voice: August 17, 2006

Hello, fellow humans! Today, of course, I realized that it was time for me to update the Directory yet again. I realized this from a Real Life Comic. Let me explain.

You see, it is time for school again. But, right before school started, my cousin came over to our house and we played video games for a very, very long time, and I realized, of course, that I had not played video games for a very long time. I have no idea what happened after that, but the upshoot is that I decided to read all six and a half years of Real Life comics and taking time off to play on my Game Boy Advance, enjoying the kind of “fun” that is usually reserved to Japanese children. And so I read one of his posts about how sorry he was for not updating, and realized that I have not updated my site for quite a long time.

This site’s design is wonderful, but I think it needs a freshening up. Luigiville is about to turn ten years old. Most marriages don’t last that long. So I think a serious celebration is in order. I will buy an Xbox and several video games for the occasion, assuming the Lego figures do not beat me with sticks. I fear them, for I sleep in the same room as they do. So every night, I look at Luigiville as I go to bed, and wonder what would happen if one day they just got sick of me using my money to buy things like food and high-speed internet so I could read hundreds of Real Life comics at a time and new clothes, and just decide to go Chucky on me. You know what I mean. It is a typical fear of People with Way Too Many Toys in Their House–that the toys will kill them, after having all their clothes removed one too many times by strange children at Goodwill. So I know not what to do. Especially once I start getting real homework at school.

For now, I guess PrettyPrincess wants to post. May God have mercy on your souls.