America Online, Part I: WinAMP

America Online and I have had a difficult relationship. No matter what I do, it just keeps on trying to shut me out. I never know what AOL is going to do next. One day, I think we’re all square up, and our relationship is going along fine, and then the very next day AOL decides to hide the keys to the house so I can’t get in. And then if I call the police to try to get into my own damn house AOL kills the police officers.

Recently I got a new program from AOL, called “WinAMP“, a music player like Windows Media Player or Apple’s iTunes, for a radio station I’ll build this summer. (I do realize most normal people do not actively attempt to make their own radio stations, but as you may have noticed by now, I am a highly unique individual, and I’d like to note for the record that my radio station, Radio Headroom, is totally legal, because it will have a broadcast radius of about ten feet.) WinAMP’s best feature is, of course, its mascot, which happens to be a llama. This is by far the best part of WinAMP from my perspective, anyway. Its other features aren’t so good. For example, when we’re playing a card game I happen to enjoy, called “Play Random Music”, and it tries to shuffle, it ends up making… well, a llama of itself.

(Just as an aside, the Max Headroom Incident is where “Radio Headroom” gets its name.)

Let me explain someting. When a normal, well adjusted human being or music player “shuffles”, he or she or it makes everything random. More importantly, though, you wouldn’t just shuffle a deck of cards once and be done with it. Every time you’d play a new game, you’d shuffle the cards again. My last music player, iTunes, did this. I would say, “Let’s play Random Music”, and it would shuffle the deck and play a random piece of music. It would not make a new list of music where it changed all the songs’ places on the list and then just play that for me over and over again. iTunes was normal like that.

Whereas when I play Random Music with WinAMP, it either doesn’t work or does exactly what I just described. (I should also note that neither of the linked forum threads are ones I posted in, just ones that somewhat describe the problems I had.) I’ll tell it, “Hey, why don’t we play some random music?” and it will make a new playlist instead and just play that over and over again. It’s as if you’re playing a game of blackjack and the dealer just shuffled the cards once and left them like that, for every game he played the rest of the day. Really, it’s enough to make me want to take tea with the Mad Hatter, but not really because the guy didn’t have anything by the Eagles.

So I decided that I did not like WinAMP, in spite of the fact that it had a llama as its mascot. While I knew I’d have to dig deep to find a music player mascot as cool as a llama, I decided to try to find a program whose features would work… on first install.

I looked around the Internet, and finally found Media Monkey. Now, most zoologists would classify Media Monkey’s mascot as a “monkey“. (I have linked to Wikipedia for those who do not know what a monkey is. I know, most of the people that come to this site are Americans and have never actually seen a monkey. My advice is to go to a zoo.) While I have to go through the hassle of feeding my media player a banana three times a day, it is quite good at shuffling music. It even uses its feet.

It also found old songs from all of the video games on my computer. You cannot understand the elation I felt when I heard, for the first time in several years, the theme song from the Sims. It was positively bizarre. I told my cousin of this development.

“Come here! You have to hear this! It’s the old Sims neighborhood theme 2!” I yelled from my room.

“Not now, I’m too busy watching Inuyasha,” I believe that was his response.

Part II continues here.

The Water God’s Balloon Tree of Destiny

In terms of the arts, I am what you would call an ultra-sophisticated hardcore latte-sipping Apple-using artiste. Of course, that’s only if you don’t count the artiste, Apple-using, latte-sipping, hardcore and ultra-sophisticated parts. But still, I’m one ultra-artistic individual. Or at least, now that I’m in college.

All right, all right. Realistically, I am the spawn of rednecks whose concept of awesome art boils down to posters of wolves and mountains all over the house. At my house, we have numerous rooms, named primarily by the type of art we have in them. For example, one room is named the “Wolf Room”, where I keep my wolf memorabilia. We have our “Living Room”, named for the pictures of buffalo we have on the wall facing the big-screen TV. In addition, we also have real life in our living room, in the form of various types of mold floating about in the air from the remains of childrens’ forgotten peanut butter sandwiches. We have a “Lego Room”, where I keep my urbane and sophisticated Lego bricks; and our “Utility Room”, where we keep our fine wines and soda pop.

And yes, we have Pepsi Throwback. And sardines. That is the kind of sophistication my family has.

Anyway, my artistic background goes along these lines. And so for me, building my Water God costume was the highlight of the art I have created so far. The Water God is a noble concept, one which I pondered for quite a long time before I finally got around to actually building it. I built it in the hopes that I can get into architecture school and design buildings for a living, because, let’s be honest here, Legos can only go so far, and whenever I have ambitions of building a working radio station out of Lego bricks my ambitions have gone where Legos can carry me no further.

The Water God, or Water Pope, consists of a rain slick and a large cone-shaped hat made of cardboard and duct tape. Out of the top sticks a sprinkler head, which shoots water up five feet in the air. I wear gloves with water hoses duct-taped to them. When somebody turns on the garden hose, water shoots out of my wrists, out the top of my hat, and out a water spigot attached to my nose, because I also attached a garden hose there.

Don’t laugh! I really did build this contraption! I can’t show pictures of it yet, but the basic gist of the concept is that I was required to build something that would enable me to do something I otherwise could not do. My decision was that, although touching both ends of a room with your fingertips would be cool, it was nothing like being able to shoot water from your head, nose and wrists at the same time.

Out at the back of the art building at my school I was standing, in this dark raincoat and black cone-shaped hat, with blue tape attached to make it look like  a tribal mask, and when the water came out, the feeling was electric. I was the Water God. I could shoot water from my head, nose and wrists at the same time! It was a powerful feeling. And, best of all, I didn’t get wet, except for my shoes.

My latest project, the Balloon Tree of Destiny, is set to be wayyyyy cooler than even the Water God. It only requires standard household balloons, duct tape, fifty feet of water hose, at least a dozen water bottles, a Home Depot “Homer Bucket”, several packets of yeast, sugar, water, aluminum foil, and probably at least one Anglican priest. In the end, however, it transforms into something beautiful: A giant thing made of balloons, hose and duct tape that kind of looks like a tree if you squint really hard.

This is going to be a powerful statement regarding trees, generally. Trees are important to me. They are green, and green is my favorite color, and sometimes trees have squirrels in them, which are adorable furry woodland creatures that you can hug and get mauled by.

The Balloon Tree of Destiny is a dissection of Man’s respect and reverence of trees. It represents themes as complex as the ancient caveman, who liked to pretend that trees had evil spirits in them, which they don’t; everybody knows that trees are inanimate objects, they have as much life as a pencil sharpener or a rock. My project represents Johnny Appleseed, who, as with my project, proved that a man with far too much time on his hands can do incredible things that nobody with half a brain would ever do, such as plant apple trees all over New England, or build a pretend tree out of garden hose and inflatable balloons. My project represents emos, via the very famous tree in California that you can drive through, because that tree had a hole in it that no emo’s ear piercing can ever match.

And, frankly, my tree represents God. Much more so, in fact, than a Water God ever could. Water Gods may come and go, but a tree will always serve as a natural lightning rod, and that’s something a Water God could probably do if he felt like it. So there.

Building A Moon-Building In the Anus of New Mexico: A Day in the Life of the Bat People

There’s just too much to do today.

I know that, wherever you are right now, you’re probably disagreeing with me. After all, you’re thinking, it’s Spring Break, and that means that you’re slacking your ass off like all of the other buffoons who don’t own massive LEGO cities like I do. You’re all wrong. There’s so much to do, what with building factories that don’t manufacture anything, houses that don’t house anybody, and City Halls that don’t govern anything, that I’ve been having trouble doing the modicum of homework my teachers gave to me so I wouldn’t forget about any of them, ever, throughout my entire Spring Break. In fact, I just got started on it yesterday. Those who say that procrastination is bad have obviously not seen my Cave House.

Cave House

Oh, yes. Cave houses are all the rage, especially in Afghanistan, and I felt that my Architecture class was desperately in need of one of these “houses of the cave”, so to speak. Not that it’s made of cave or anything, it’s just built in the mouth of Carlsbad Caverns:

Map of New Mexico

Basically, Carlsbad Caverns, a.k.a. “The Vagina Anus of New Mexico”, is cold and uninhabitable, which is similar to Hillary Clinton. Also like Hillary Clinton, Carlsbad Caverns is beloved by women. Unlike Hillary Clinton, however, men also like Carlsbad Caverns, not because it is sexually attractive, but because it is like a challenge, in which one false step could lead to your slipping off of the guardrailed path and being impaled on a stalagmite. Especially if you’re a midget.

Anyway, I designed my building either to be built at the mouth of the cave or inside the cave. I’m still debating which, because it would change the story. I can either make it so that a young boy decides to enter into the cave and winds up getting lost because of the “impenetrable darkness of the cavaginaanus, which will surely kill all those who attempt to penetrate.”  In this case, the young boy would find the cave not unlike Michael Jackson: terrifying,  similar to a forty-year-old woman in both looks and smell, and creepily quiet. When morning would come, light would come into the cave, and, like Michael Jackson’s latest plastic surgery, would make everything lighter and even creepier, because then he could see all the stalactites and stalagmites and it would appear that everything was about to fall right off of Jackson’s face.

This scenario sounds really cool in practice. It’s certainly cooler than my other idea, which is to inhabitate the cave with bat-people who can fly and eat mosquitos. In this scenario, nuclear war has killed or mutated the human race, and those left behind must live in caves to thwart the evil atomic fuminess. My building would be their home and worship place. They would worship the sun, which they would call “Swastika”, in respect of the Jews.

I am still waiting for my Friend-Who-Is-A-Girl to call me, because she is apparently sick and can’t talk or else she just hates me. In the meantime, I’d like to show you to our next place of the lulz:

Damn You Peter Gabriel

No, seriously, it’s more furry shit:

Moar Furry Shit

Recently, Luigiian Aerospace Command detected an increase in the level of furry hatred in several sectors, specifically, StumbleUpon [here], FurAffinity [here], and the website of noted incestual conservative Jay Naylor’s Better Days [here]. (Use StumbleUpon’s “Reviews of this Page” feature to see fur hate.) Furry hatred levels at David Hopkins’ Jack [here] remain high for March 2008. LAC detected an increase in the level of scientology hatred here and here, but declined to begin retaliatory measures because, frankly, scientology scares the shit out of Luigiian Aerospace Command.

Let it be known from here on out that this site neither applauds nor condemns the actions of those who either hate or love the fur. However, this site does like the lulz, and there is nothing funnier than indulging in an Internet flame war with retards. There are lots of places you can go to start massive trolling wars throughout the Internet for great justice. They are as follows:

  1. Encyclopedia Dramatica (the place for Internet drama): 
  2. Fur Affinity (the place for furries):
  3. Something Awful (the place for aspie furry haters):

I can see the light and the heat, and I definitely want to touch the light I see in your eyes, but not like Michael Jackson. So troll the fuck out of everybody on these sites, but only if you’re old enough to know what I’m talking about, and only if you’re serious about this. Otherwise, you’ll just look like a dumb pussy, and The Luigiian disowns all those who try to follow the lulzy way and fail. I will not take the fall for your screwups.

In the meantime, you know what to do. The resolution to a thousand endless searches, the doorway to a thousand churches, is in your eyes. Peter Gabriel sends you on this quest.

May the lulz be with you. And watch out for Michael Jackson.

New Horizons and New Wolf Dolls: The Joys of Santa Jesus

Lupe and Jack 1st Panel Lupe and Jack 2nd Panel Lupe and Jack 3rd Panel Lupe and Jack 4th Panel

The holiday season is a time of love, a time of caring, a time for our Lord and Savior Santa Jesus, and, most importantly, an excellent time for one to scare the shit out of himself.

Perhaps you think that I’m crazy. Maybe you think, as you’ve thought so many times before, that Old Uncle Lupe who Thinks He’s a Wolf-Person has “went off the deep end” again, and that he’s proposing crazy ideas.

You would be wrong. An important factor in making a New Years Resolution inherently involves scaring the shit out of oneself come Christmastime. A New Years’ Resolution typically involves self-purification. In order to purify yourself, you have to get rid of the impurities in your body, i.e. through shitting. And in order to shit, especially during these constipated times, it is often necessary to confront yourself with something truly scary, such as Michael Jackson (the artist formerly known as Wacko Jacko).

Thus, it was my mission this holiday season to scare myself until I was finally able to go to the bathroom again. This process was delayed for a very long while, because of Thanksgiving turkey.

But I was finally able to go to the bathroom, thanks in no small part to David Hopkins, whose grim-reaper character Jack is featured in the last panel above. I will do a review on Hopkins’ magnum opus next week, and you should thank me, really, because I spared you the agony of reading it.

All right, then, but you ask, “How did your Christmas go, Lupe the Lobo or Justin or whatever the hell you call yourself?” And I say, quite swimmingly. Let’s go to the board, shall we? “Lupe/Justin’s Board of Christmassyness”, we shall call it.

  1. I get off school until late January. If you are currently in high school or are working a full-time job, I am laughing at you right now, through your computer screen.
  2. I haven’t found evidence that David Hopkins is not in an insane asylum.
  3. You don’t know who he is.
  4. This is for your own good.
  5. The fact that you don’t know who I am is probably a good thing, too.
  6. I got a new wolf doll. (Update 12/27/07 12:12 AM MST: I am hugging him right now, along with my other wolf dolls Aurora and Amarook, and my Corgi doll Ein.)
  7. As usual, I have slacked in my LEGO orders, which should be finished by the time Easter is finished, and these orders shall transform my city of dead plastic people into an even larger city of dead plastic people with more plastic crap attached.
  8. I got a remote controlled helicopter that doesn’t work.

In addition to all of this, I got fishing gear which I cannot use, new underwear, and hopefully a girlfriend by New Years’. I know that that last present is a bit farfetched, but I figure, with all the outsourcing to China our nation is doing, I should be able to get a girlfriend, even if I have to pay first class mail to get her.

My mother has found a man. It has been her personal dream, for many years, to finally find her “Mr. Right”, and during Christmas dinner, she announced that she found him. There is this man made of coffee cans in our front room, you see, and as I stooped over to get away from the table after dinner, I hit this tin man with my head, and, being the kindhearted individual she is, my mother told me not to “hit her man”. I think I hear wedding bells in the distance, although that could just be the clanking of the coffee cans.

So anyway, I’m looking forward to writing yet another comic post, and my review will be forthcoming. In the meantime, be rest assured that I do not care about your sexuality, race, gender, creed or religion. Your personality and facial features are almost assuredly enough to make me hate you.

Making Amends to Super Mario

Lupe and Inuyasha

Lupe and Inuyasha

Lupe and Inuyasha

Lupe and Inuyasha

There is a time in every young man’s life in which he must make amends. What amends the young man is making is not important. What’s important is that, by gum, that young man is making amends. After all, amends are how we can judge a person, as without them, the national economy would fail, and the terrorists would win. Beginning with this definition of what amends are, assuming of course that I know what I’m talking about, let’s continue.

I did not start watching anime again. I know this for sure. My cousin Josh, who I’ve somehow turned into a greasy teenage otaku fanboy, went through our local mall, arriving at Hot Topic and an anime store in the progress, and the coolest thing I found in our travels was a giant Koopa Troopa doll, which I want for Christmas because it is awesome.

He also had me watching two anime shows last night, Inuyasha and Blood Plus, the former of which I once watched regularly. As a basic plot summary, Inuyasha is about an irritating girl from Tokyo who goes down a magical well and gets into various bizarre escapades with an immortal twelve-year-old who wears dog ears on his head. This–wearing dog ears on his head–is supposed to make him a “half-demon”, which here is code speak for “irritating otaku fanboy”. In Inuyasha’s wearing of dog ears, the show’s storyline is startlingly similar to a normal anime fangirl’s life, because she will undoubtedly wind up dating a man with the maturity of a twelve-year old who wears dog ears in a vain attempt to appear cooler than he really is. Either that, or she will wear cat ears to attempt to become a “vixen”, but it does not really matter. What does matter is that these girls are being lied to. No, anime fangirls, when you grow up you will not be able to control your boyfriend using a magical collar and your obnoxiously loud voice, and you certainly will not have to tell your boyfriend to “sit”. In fact, if your boyfriend is of the “lazy nerd” variety, he will sit for you, at spans of several hours per day perched in front of a computer, ironically looking at naked pictures of the same girl from Inuyasha who keeps on yelling “SIT BOY!” to make her boyfriend break through bridges, fall through wells, and make cartoonish holes in the grounds at comical moments. To wit: No, you cannot control your boyfriend like a dog. Unless, naturally, you have large boobs.

(Note: Having large boobs will not give you mind-control powers if you are a man.)

Anyway, so clearly I have not made amends with the anime geeks. I also did not make amends with my LEGO city, Luigiville. For those who are not “in the know”, my Lego city is a giant plastic city of Legos that I have been building for over a decade now. My Experiencing the Arts class suggested that I be forced to stay awake until I finish it so that I build it faster, but that’s not my point. I have once again allowed Luigiville to fall into the hands of a sinister force, in this case, pretend vampires. This vampire attack went quickly, as once my little dead plastic character was moved to the “church”, we basically had a random guy get into the story and kill all the vampires off, while listening to death metal music, which my cousin bought at Hot Topic.

So if anything, I’ve pissed off Luigiville more, because the soulful ballads of Avenged Sevenfold are enough to infuriate Satan himself. What I did do, on the other hand, was play video games. Specifically Super Mario Galaxy. Many years ago, I played video games regularly. This was back in the day whenever your primary killing game was Contra, and if you really wanted an edgy Bart Simpson-styled game you went with Sonic the Hedgehog, who incidentally had spiked hair just like Bart. In those days, Mario was cool, as cool as Sonic even. We understood Mario, who shared our pudginess and willingness to eat large amounts of food for no good reason. We too faced adversity in our lives. And, of course, we have all been attacked by giant mutant turtles, by far the most important connection I felt to Mario, anyway. I dressed up as Luigi on several occasions, on Halloween especially, and wished to jump like Mario or Luigi. It was my passion at the time. One which I keep subdued with medication to this day.

Then Super Mario Sunshine came out, and I realized that video games had lost their way. It was as if crushing enemies with your prodigious weight was no longer enough; you needed guns or vacuum cleaners (a la Luigi’s Mansion), or, failing those options, vacuum cleaner guns.

But with this new game I see a bright future for Mario. Sure, he’s still weird, and has that moustache with the bizarre curvy shape you couldn’t replicate in real life with several tons of styling gel and numerous trained professionals. Yet he has proven that he can refrain from sucking, something Sonic the Hedgehog is still trying to prove. I’m guessing that they’ll give Sonic a vacuum-cleaner gun.

But nevermind that. I made amends to Mario. No matter how many times I said that the Wii was the dumbest idea Nintendo ever came out with; no matter how many times I said that Shigeru Miyamoto was too old to be making video games for twelve-year-olds; no matter how many times I said that the Super Mario soundtrack needed to be replaced by Eddie Van Halen guitar solos; somehow I got proven wrong.

I think it’s the vampires’ fault.

Tell me what you think! email me:

Building Luigiville Christian Church: A Luigiian MOC


Recently, a great evil descended upon the earth: Brickshelf stopped operation. Brickshelf, the land where us LEGO designers posted our greatest images with great fanfare and server usage, was my primary photo-keeping place. Now that it’s gone, I’ll be getting off MOCPages too. In a time of great sadness such as this, I know many of you begin to believe there is no God. Therefore, to rekindle your faith, I have posted these photographs of Luigiville’s new church (the old one “burned down” after I dropped it on the floor).

new-years-2005-06-007.jpg Luigiville’s old church looks excellent in this picture, but by the time I got around to rebuilding it, the roof trusses were rotten and crumbling, the roof tower was weakened, the interior was shabby, and the parts were old and yellowed. It was sorely in need of redesign. The new design would completely enclose the structure and redesign the murals and colorful motifs across the design to look cleaner and more deliberate.

new-church-001.jpgLuigiville’s been waiting for a new church for a long time. Since the first construction began about eight years ago, construction techniques have changed, but the church remained a relic, dusty inside and out with crumbling roof pieces and weak framing. The newer church replaces the older parts with newly-designed glass roof sections and trusses.


One of the most difficult parts of designing the new church was in keeping the original’s unusual murals on the sides and rear. This photograph shows the new rear, which is designed in Native American tribal style, with intricate geometry. An angel in the center of the design accentuates the Christian style.


As one enters the church, the dark sanctuary is kept hidden from sight. Here, you can see the lower part of the podium as well as the rows of chairs. A little bit of the church’s upper design work is also visible. Believe it or not, it took me a little while on LDD to get the colors to mesh just right on the church’s bright colors: too much green, red or tan and it looked funky, too much white and it looked boring. The finished piece has a slightly Mesoamerican/Asian feel to it.


This view was taken by removing the entire rearend of the structure. It’s a view from the podium, and as you can see, the roof sections are light… and fragile. I had to literally remove the baseplate to fix the roof after breaking off the rear pieces. It may be a church, but it’s an unholy mess to put together.


In this last photo, you can see the electric organ/piano to the upper left, and seating for two speakers to the right. A pair of stairways flank the central podium. You can also see some of the upper roof parts, which are made of tinted clear pieces, giving the interior light. While the farthest right and left flooring is black, the middle is green and the stairs are colored red, to give a bit of color to the monotony.

And thus concludes the first MOC I’ve ever posted on my blog. Leave me a review below, if you dare. WOOOoooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Gaddy’s Election II

My esteemed opponent “Gaddy”, who has challenged my Presidency in the Luigiian Republic, has detailed strongly her positions, which she says makes her the most eligible candidate for the Presidency/Governorship. In her latest post s/he writes:

“The only thing that is absurd is the notion that you have the auadcity to argue that you actually care for the citizens of Luigiville. Afterall, wasn’t it you who said on June 4, 2007:

‘The great Luigiian Republic shall remain under the dictatorship of the one, the only… EMPEROR JUSTINIAN!’

That sounds like someone who is more concerned with maintaining his power than someone who cares about the people who lives in the place he “rules.” A republic, which I believe Luigiville should be, is not ruled by one person, but by the people who elect their leader. Therefore, here is what I believe should be a staple of Luigiville:

1. One Person; One Vote
2. Judicial Independence
3. Health Care for All

Only then can you begin to refer to Luigiville as a true republic. I promise to make good on these issues in my first 100 hours in office.”

While indeed her/his opinions are indeed valid, her/his argument that the Luigiian Republic is not a true Republic is silly. I have lost the Governorshp in previous years, however, I was reelected later in real, one-vote-per-person elections. The tabulations, using a random-number generator and simple addition functions on an Excel spreadsheet, were indeed as real as can be for a Lego city.

I take great pride in the Luigiian Republic’s electorate/electoral system, which in my opinion is the best ever designed for a city made up of plastic people. Here’s how it works:

  1. Five (soon to be six) districts each nominate two or more candidates for the Governorship. In the last election, those candidates totaled three per district: One each for the Cougar Party, Lobo Party, and Mariolandian Party.
  2. Those candidates participate in one debate, during which they outline their basic platform.
  3. An Excel spreadsheet, with randomly generated numbers representing political views (negative for Liberal, positive for Conservative) is generated; each person’s political view is calculated by the computer program by adding each negative or positive number together (representing views on sexuality, economics, society, etc.) to arrive at a negative or positive answer.
  4. Each of those numbers are converted to their absolute positive or negative answer (-1, 1 or 0); those numbers are added together (again by the computer; I’m too lazy to do it myself) to arrive at a district’s total tally.
  5. Those numbers determine who wins which district’s electoral vote. The candidate with the most electoral votes wins.

That said, however, I encourage Gaddy to voice her opinion on the electoral system, which still has its flaws.

Her three mandates in her first one-hundred hours in office border on socialism (especially her mandate “Healthcare for all”) and are strictly unnecessary, in my opinion. I feel that the free market can fix the Republic’s admittedly aging healthcare system better than the Luigiian government can, as competition will ensure that the best healthcare possible in a city of only two-hundred people will be given.

I encourage Gaddy to continue her arguments, and to flesh out her three mandates. Her challenge is quite interesting.