Red and Green’s General Store

Welcome to Red and Green’s General Store. We have one location in Luigiville (no others yet-but we’re looking into franchising!) Come to our store on Main and McCloud Circle. We’re looking forward to you!

(September 14, 2005)-Red and Greens General Store is now donating 1/100 of 100% of our profits to Hurricane Katrina Aid.

To the people that mistakenly left with one of our fine products, the “1984 Class A Nuclear Warhead”, we should tell you that this product was in fact supposed to go to the Luigiian military, and was not supposed to be offered to the public. Now, we aren’t angry, but this warhead was important. It was supposed to be used for the national defense, and we’re in some deep water here. Please return it to the store as soon as possible. (June 24, 2005)

————New Products!—————

We specialize in giving every customer a special experience, not unlike every other grocery store on planet Earth, except that we’re sincere because, as you should know if you’re anything other than a Nazi fascist Communist pagan heathen atheist, we are two brothers, which is almost as wholesome as a Mom and Pop store. Anyway, here are the products:

-Hot Dogs-

Enjoy our World Famous Hot Dogs, which are just as American as you can get without going to some scum-infested little Middle East country to kill people. Show your patriotism for America (even though we don’t actually live there, it’s still the greatest country in the world) by buying some of our World Famous All-American Hot Dogs. Buy them now! Otherwise you are supporting terrorism.

Ingredients: Super-Saturated Gluclose Cellulate (25%), Nuclear Zinc Carboncelluglobin 2 (50%), Rodent Droppings (555.95%), Red 400 (95%), Blue 35,000 (89%), actual meat products (1%).

-Yet another damned Teen Movie-

Paramount Pictures and National Lampoon, 2005, Rated R

Humor for the true connsseur, this movie will offend both religious figures like Jerry Falwell, because it is full of sexual innuendo that would shame Jenna Jameson, and guys who want to look at movies about naked women, because it only contains like one nudie scene that isn’t really that good, but it is not funny either, as is the case with every single National Lampoon movie since Vacation. Nobody can resist the humor that can come out of a road trip, except maybe everyone. Nevertheless, rent this movie, because it is made by National Lampoon, and therefore it has to be funny in one way or another or something.

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