Tips for Shopping at Your Local Dollar Store

Every town has one. You know, that place where everything costs a dollar. Near my house it’s called the Dollar Tree, but it takes many names. It’s a great place to go if you have a dollar in your pocket and no common sense in your head.

Here are some tips for getting the most out of your experience at the local dollar store:

-Everything there is something you could buy at a Wal-Mart for more money. One day, you’ll be walking the aisles of Wal-Mart looking for a barbecue lighter. You pay, say, three bucks. Next week you see it at the Dollar Store for a dollar! How do they do it?

Some think it has to do with the fact that they use Chinese labor. They hope that’s why.

Usually, though, it’s because everything at the Dollar Store is crap.

Strolling down aisles at a dollar store is like going to the Island of Misfit Toys. It’s depressing. They’ve got toy dogs with no heads, and toy dolphins whose skin feels like old used condoms. They have neon-colored flyswatters. They have food harvested from Zimbabwe.

Just remember: If you go to the Dollar Store, you’re purchasing crap you could have bought at Wal-Mart for an extra two dollars. And from Wal-Mart it would actually work right.

Dont buy these. Ever.

Don't buy these. Ever.

-Everybody at the dollar store is incredibly depressing. When you go, everybody will be dejected, all the time, and those that aren’t dejected are pedophiles. Many will be wearing Crocs shoes and old flip-flops. Don’t be an asshole to any of these people. Except for the pedophiles.

-Don’t buy any of their food, ever, except for snacks with brand names. I have never bought a jar of pickles from the dollar store. I will never buy a jar of pickles from the dollar store. Food should be bought at a supermarket, not at a place that puts hard salami on a shelf next to a pair of novelty sunglasses.

I hope this article has been enlightening. I sure feel enlightened, but it might just be this Dollar Store flashlight.

7 Responses to “Tips for Shopping at Your Local Dollar Store”

  1. fkdupdad Says:

    Yes… Everything at the dollar store will break the same day you by it!

  2. seagate Says:

    The last thing, THE VERY LAST THING a person should try to save money at, is food. YOU MUST EAT GOOD FOOD. IT’S WHAT MAKES YOU GO. That’s why buying weird food at the dollar store should be the kind of action that gets you harrassed by someone. Or at least questioned.

    You know why things with brand names tend to always be better? The fact that they put a clear name in front of their items indicates they, at the very least, feel responsible for this product. And that means they actually believe their stuff will work.

    • The Luigiian Says:

      I think a lot of people who buy food at these places do so because they can’t afford otherwise, so I don’t necessarily think we need to question/harrass such people. Refer to Point 2, “Everybody at the dollar store is depressing. …Don’t be an asshole to any of these people.”

      That said, it bugs me that our society is such that there are people out there that can’t spend more than a dollar on food. How fucked up is that?

      • seagate7 Says:

        I was referring to someone that bought there in an obssesive urge to save money, not someone who really couldn’t afford anything else. But do notice how I wasn’t clear about it.

        People forced to buy discount, deffective, probably spoiled or downgrade food? Yeah, it makes me feel awful. I wouldn’t say anything hurtful to them.

        • The Luigiian Says:

          Ah, don’t worry ’bout it man, I know that.

          People that obsessive are crazy. Buying downgrade food, like from a dollar store, is creepy. Some of my relatives do that. Half of the time they’re the people with the most money to spend in the first place.

          How’s life been?

        • seagate7 Says:

          Good. Exams are over, and now I got a free week.

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