Jeep People Are Disgusting.

Today I’m going to give you a stupid quiz. It’s a quiz to see how stupid you are. Ready? Here goes.

(Scroll down for the correct answer.)

If you chose “e”, my friend, you are not just stupid, but legally retarded. Seriously. Just today the American Psychiatric Association just listed “Jeep ownership” as one of the signs of mental retardation.

Jeeps are some of the worst vehicles on the road, and their hardcore fanboys are some of the rudest, most arrogant assholes on the face of planet Earth.

If Hitler were alive today, he’d be a Jeep fan. Much like Nazis, Jeep fans practice a sort of automotive anti-Semitism, shunning all vehicles that are not body-on-frame pickup trucks or gas-sucking SUV atrocities.

Many grown men today, that appear so deeply masculine in their Wranglers, are trundling down the Rubicon bearing cojones that just barely stay put on their crotches, because their hard-riding SUVs are causing them to bounce off. But nevermind that. Frankly, I don’t really want to think about men’s crotches right now, so let’s move on.

Some of you may have owned one or two Cherokees, or maybe (God help you) Libertys, and you’re thinking to yourself, “Hey, you jackass, we love our Jeeps! They got us up to the mountains and they only broke down every twenty-three miles! All our friends said they were beautiful Jeeps!”

But that’s just it, isn’t it? I mean, it isn’t like the Jeep Cherokee is the preferred choice of hardcore Jeep fanboys. Jeep Cherokees, in the eyes of hardcore Jeep fanboys, are for women and effeminate men. Jeep Cherokees are named for the Indians we slaughtered, that’s the way the fanboys look at it. We slaughtered dem Injuns. Just like we’ll slaughter yer Cherokee with our Wrangler! Look at us, we’re so cool! LOLOLOLO

I dont know this person in any way, but shes clearly horrible. Because she drives a Jeep.

I don't know this person in any way, but she's clearly horrible. Because she drives a Jeep.

That’s a Jeep fanboy for you. Making fun of you and your Cherokee. Your sexy gorgeous Cherokee that all your neighbors envied. They’re making fun of you for a reason: They want you to buy a Wrangler like theirs out of shame. They want to indoctrinate you, to extend their Jeep fanboy slime trails until they envelop you in Jeep slime, made of leaking oil and old transmission fluid. Jeep fanboys will get their slime all over you if you let them. They’ll slime all over your mouth, too. They’re completely repulsive like that.

Their vehicles–all of them Jeep Wranglers–are terrible. Horrible ride, horrible reliability, horrible gas mileage and horrible to drive–and all for what? Off-road capability.

That’s right: Jeep people are willing to give up driving a good car so that they can take 4000 pound hunks of metal across rock trails, crushing small woodland creatures that are unfortunate enough to fall under one of their Jeeps’ gigantic tires, killing us all with their carbon dioxide emissions just so they can get to a fishing spot I want to get to but can’t because I drive a car.

Jeep people think they’re high and mighty just because they could snag a few more rainbow trout than I can when they go fishing, or uncover the secret Dulce military base where the US government houses aliens, or drive up the Himalayas while sherpas scream at them in some Asian language I’ve never heard of, assuming that most Jeep people ever took their Jeeps off the highway. Well you know what, Jeep people? You can just poop on my butt.

Be aware also that there are many false prophets and guides operating in your world. They will suck your energy from you - the energy you call money and will put it to evil ends and give you worthless dross in return. In other words, Jeep people want to take you money and spend it on more worthless Jeeps.

"Be aware also that there are many false prophets and guides operating in your world. They will suck your energy from you - the energy you call money and will put it to evil ends and give you worthless dross in return." In other words, Jeep people want to take you money and spend it on more worthless Jeeps.

Everybody hates you and your Jeep slime trails and your bouncy  testicles and the knowledge of the Universe you got from Vrillon of the Ashtar Galactic Command, Dulce Military Base Inmate #5472-A.

We hate all of it. We don’t want to know the Unified Field Theory of Physics, we want you to drive a boring-ass car like the rest of us. Just do it already, you jerkmongers! Do we have to glare at you angrily from our Prii for you to realize that your desire to have class-leading off-road capability is not only disgusting, but also obscene? This is the 21st Century! Who still lives on dirt roads anyway? Africans, that’s who. And they can run so fast that they don’t even need Jeeps, they can just vault over rocks like they do at the Olympics.

In the end, Jeep people, I don’t hate you. I hate all of the fantastic things you get to do in your slimy Jeep vehicles. It’s not fair and I think you should support our nation and stop buying the vehicle that saved America from Hitler. Times are different now. So join us, the car people! Join us that we may share in the Great Awakening, as our planet passes into the Age of Aquarius! Otherwise we’ll be lonely. And so will poor Vrillon.


4 Responses to “Jeep People Are Disgusting.”

  1. sandysays1 Says:

    Try huntin’ quail outa one of those other pieces of shit.

  2. Lupe Delobo Says:

    “Try huntin’ quail outa one of those other pieces of shit.

    Go back to your dog treats. You fuckin’ nudist dogs.

    What a dog does not understand is that while you may be able to get all your dog food and treats in the back of a Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo four-by-four, you can’t get it to drink, because it’s huge and you lack opposable thumbs.

    And seriously, who has a nose like this?

    You look like you’re, like, a dog or something. What the fuck? How are you typing on the computer? What, does your owner throw Beggin Strips on whatever keys he wants you to hit? How does that even work?

  3. Dukko Says:

    Looks like this blog hasn’t been active in a while, did you manage to get yourself into an accident trying to run a Jeep thing off the road or something? OR WAS THIS REPORTED FOR THE HATE IT CONTAINS????? There are many others like you out there who hate innocent Jeep drivers and belong in jail. I truly hope that’s where you are for even putting up a site like this you immature hateful animal!

  4. Yesme Says:

    YOU need to seek mental help or get the F off the road!!! You’ll never see Me end up smacking into a tree because I drive a high profile and most hated vehicle!!!! What are you a stupid kid?

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