The following article, from the Wyoming Tribune Eagle:
—The Wyoming Furry Relocation Program—
Furries of the TwoKinds forums just today announced plans to relocate all furries currently living in the United States to Wyoming.
California was not chosen because it has scenic beaches and would be nice if not for all the liberals. Also, California, while generally being a terrible state, is filthy stinking rich. Finally, while it would be hilarious to see California Scientologists and furries attempting to coexist, it could also lead to their joining together to form a supergroup capable of world domination.
New Mexico was also considered, but a New Mexican drew the following picture, which makes the state ineligible:
Finally, two more states, Florida and New York, were considered, as well as New Jersey. The last came very close to becoming the Furry State because nobody really likes New Jersey anyway, but it was disqualified; a New Jerseyan attempted to kill the leader of the Furry State Conference after having been insulted rudely in a sarcastic quip directed at his mother.
As such, Wyoming was chosen. Because Wyoming is the U.S. state with the fewest residents, other than Alaska which has all our oil and is freakish in its not really being a state at all, it will be easiest to move Wyomingans from the horrible sexual carnage that is about to ensue.
Furries will very much like Wyoming. For example, Old Faithful, under its new name Old Yifful, will have brand new and completely unforeseen connotations attached to it. Wyoming is devoid of people, which will appeal to furries’ lack of social abilities with humans.
There are many species of animals in Wyoming which are very rapable, including breeds like wolf, bear, and cow, which furries will also appreciate.
Finally, within the next ten thousand years a stratovolcano (which furries have taken to naming “Big Yiff”) will kill all furries once and for all, destroying both them and their disgusting fursuits. It will be a long wait after which the land of Wyoming will forever be ruined, but it will be well worth it.
Currently, a massive fence has been erected around the state of Wyoming. Within the next three months, all laws in the state will be repealed, and furries will be allowed to have massive orgies in public unimpeded by things like common sense or human thought.
Furry State is considered a “zoological observatory” by government officials.
“We are uncertain what this will be like,” Furry State President Shaun Reveal (Y-Yiffburg) said in a live press conference. Speaking from his trademark kangaroo fursuit, Mr. Reveal revealed, “We expect the only rule in Furry State to be ‘rape as many animals as you possibly can, and kill any actual humans on sight.'”
Richard Katellis, the creator of Kit N’ Kay Boodle and Supreme Secretary General of Furry State, added that having sex will be mandatory.
“Everybody must yiff”, Katellis said. “People will be required to yiff at least three times a day.” Asked regarding old furries and furries with heart problems, Katellis added, “Survival of the fittest, that is furry law.” It is unknown whether Mr. Katellis considers being ostracised in school and spending the rest of one’s natural life wearing fursuits in a desperate attempt to be accepted by a sex group as “survival of the fittest.”
Regardless, many changes will be made immediately. As has already been reported, Wyoming’s name will now be “Furry State”, Yellowstone National Park will be referred to as “Yiffystone Zoological Bathhouse”, and the capital city of Cheyenne will now be called “Yiffburg” as per Katellis’ request.
“YIFF YIFF YIFF”, Katellis said.
Finally, there is the matter of the infamous “Wyoming Incident”.
In the Wyoming Incident videos, the numbers “333-333-333” appear on a screen with the phrase “THIS IS A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT”, cryptic messages appear on screen, and disembodied heads are displayed. All of these have been replaced by the following simulation, which will be broadcast on Wyoming television station K2TV at approximately 3:00 PM on the date July 4, 2009:
Updates will be given as information is received.