The Truth About Miss Sissy


This is Miss Sissy. She is the most beautiful dog in the entire world. I love Miss Sissy. You should too.

Ask yourself these questions:

  1. Do I love Miss Sissy?
  2. Is she not the most beautiful dog in the world?

If you answer either of these questions as “no”, you are wrong. Miss Sissy is the most beautiful dog in the entire world. Everyone loves Miss Sissy. No exceptions.

America is Miss Sissy’s home. America, therefore, is home to love. Miss Sissy will help give gay people the right to marry by 2025. Miss Sissy is just that loving and special. You gay people out there owe Miss Sissy a debt of gratitude. Miss Sissy is the primary reason many fundamentalist Christians have stopped bombing abortion clinics. She helps aborted babies get to Heaven. You wanna know why all dogs go to Heaven? Miss Sissy.

Miss Sissy will eventually reduce the divorce rate in the United States. She is that beautiful and beloved. She will love all of you. All you have to do is give her food. That is all she asks. I give her love, and thus she loves me. And I love her. Because she is Miss Sissy.

And all people with love in their hearts love her.

Perhaps you have your doubts. Perhaps you think, “Oh, nobody could love Miss Sissy as much as you’re saying they do.” But they do. America loves Miss Sissy. The world loves Miss Sissy. God loves Miss Sissy.

Here’s a list of some of the people that don’t love Miss Sissy:

  1. Hitler
  2. Saddam Hussein
  3. Mussolini
  4. Andy Dick
  5. Barbara Streisand
  6. That one asshole in my math class
  7. Fred Phelps
  8. California (Sissy helps gays, and California hates gays)
  9. Satan

And so on and so forth. If you don’t love Miss Sissy, you are evil.

There is time to repent, denyers of the love of Miss Sissy. You don’t have to give up religion to love Miss Sissy. God loves Miss Sissy too. So does Jesus, for he loves all his creatures. Everybody loves Miss Sissy, the Most Beautiful Dog in the World. She’s just so innocent and cute you can’t help but love her.

All Miss Sissy asks is that you give her food. That’s all. She doesn’t ask that you stone gays or that you kill blacks or that you go to war. She just asks for food. That’s all she wants.

Do you love Miss Sissy yet? I know I do. I love her with all my heart. And so I ask all of you to join me in loving Miss Sissy. America, the ball’s in your court. You have love, right here. You’ve got it staring you right in the face. It is beautiful, it is sweet, it is innocent. It doesn’t hate gays. It doesn’t hate straights. It doesn’t want to assassinate the President. It just wants to be.

Please, America, love Miss Sissy. I implore you. Love the Sausage of Love. Love her for me.

Love her for you.

Love her for God, and His Son Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, and all that is good and is holy on the face of the Earth.

Love her for us all. Please.


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