Which OS Is Right For You? Just Check Your Voting Card

You know, sometimes car websites have some interesting political commentary in addition to their typical drivel about the latest Ferrari, Lotus or Lamborghini. For example, The Truth About Cars, one of the best car websites on the Internet if you happen to be a sadist, ran an interesting little piece on House Resolution 1252, or as I like to call it, the “Let’s Go Back To The 1970s Because The 1970s Were So Awesome” bill. In HR 1252, the writers–who were of course Democrats–attack gas dealers and refineries that unfairly jack up prices, just like they stopped gas prices from moving with the market in the seventies and leaving the average person to ask, “So what is ‘unfairly’, anyway?” HR 1252 (vaguely) answers that , but I don’t really care.

As I read through that report, and as I admired the speed and reliability of my new wireless Internet connection, I realized eventually that each PC’s OS is as varied as the various views on the political spectrum. Without further ado:

Microsoft Windows: Republican


The good ol’ standby. Windows OS started out from the archaic underpinnings of MS-DOS, and still runs at its heart on basically the same thing. In the same tradition, Republicans started out from the ashes of the pro-business Federalist Party, and though they now run on several different platforms, from hating gay marriage to hating abortions to hating women and gays in general, they still, at heart, rely on that good ol’ screw-the-common-man platform to make every decision. It’s the party that gives you no other choice because they always win and everything is set up for them, from our political system to the business system that always supports Republicans. Though everybody hates them and they’re full of crap, Republicans win every election they’re put into. In the same way, Microsoft always wins because every bit of computer system currently in place is designed for Windows and the Windows format. They still, at heart, rely on that good ol’ screw-the-common-man platform with bold ideas like Digital Rights Management to take the abilities of the user to use his computer the way he chooses away from him. And even though everyone hates Windows, which is bloated (i.e. full of crap we don’t use), everybody uses it. Or at least it seems like it.

Apple OS: Democrat

Democratic Apple Humper

The computers–and party–designed for the “common man”, which is a code word here for “moron”. Everything here is designed to be as inoffensive and bland as possible to avoid further detracting from the Democratic Party’s/Apple’s small user base. Apple claims to be the easier OS to use (making it easy, therefore, for the average Joe) and costs twice as much as a typical PC, reducing that common-man image. By the same token, Democrats claim to be the party of the working man, getting into a big tizzy whenever a company fires workers, shuts down a plant, or reduces wages, while it helps out big business by supporting businesses regardless of what they say and increasing the minimum wage, which does nothing to help America’s middle class or anybody save the poorest of the poor in the U.S. If Democrats want to help out the poor, why not help reduce the difficulty of filing taxes or paying medical bills so people can have more time to work and make ends meet?

Linux: Libertarian

Actually, this could be listed under Labor Party, since it’s actually kind of like a free version of Apple OS and therefore better fulfills the concept of an OS for the working man better, but there’s no real Labor Party presence in the United States, and besides, I don’t really care. Linux, like the Libertarian label, is really just for pompous asses who think that they’re better and know more about computers/politics than everybody else because they’re unique and unique people are always smartest (don’t take it for me, just look at Goths or sadomasochists as examples). In concept, libertarianism is better than either Democrats or Republicans since it takes the original liberal view that “the government that governs best governs least”, and since it doesn’t really support anybody in particular, it would stand to be quite fair and reasoned, but it can’t do anything politically. Linux, in the same way, is free to use, so it follows that it should be better than the other two, which force people to pay, but it’s worthless (like you’ll find a popular videogame for the Linux platform). Libertarianism/Linux only serves as a convenient way for former Democrats/Apple users and Republicans/Windows users to vent at their crappy party/OS for a long period of time. So, you ask, why do people still use Linux? Perhaps it has to do with the penguin they use, and libertarians should follow their lead:


I could go on, but I think I’d better check my voting card to figure out what OS I should buy for my computer next. I think I’ll choose N/A.

2 Responses to “Which OS Is Right For You? Just Check Your Voting Card”

  1. Gaddy Says:

    First, how can a governor or leader (whatever he calls himself) fail to provide health care for a mere 200 hundred people. Does he pocket bribes from the insurance companies in return for disallowing discussion, and I submit, passage of universal health care for his down trodden people? That,
    alone, warrants his removal from office through impeachment. The people should not be forced to wait until the next election.

    Second, Mr. Depoy needs to get his genders straight. I am not a she, but a he. Perhaps his own gender identity issues are clouding his mind and confusing his thought processes.

    Finally, the Justinian election process is far too compicated and obviously intended to dissuade other candidates from running. I maintain that a
    single general election with each candidate running in an “at large” election is the only fair and just way to go about this. Does his majesty fear that he will lose in a simple and equitable election? I submit that he
    does! Add fair elections to my campaign platform, as well.

    Already, a grass root uprising against Dictator Justin has developed, as is evidenced by “Destroy Depoy’s” remarks. That person shall soon be followed by others until Despot Depoy will slink away in defeat and shame.

    Remember my platform. Keep in mind my motto: Justice will prevail and Justin shall fail.

  2. luigirepublic Says:

    Gaddy, your comments are appreciated in the arena of Luigiian public discourse, but I still feel that your arguments are invalid. You suggest that my being unable to provide healthcare for a mere 200 people is proof of my weakness, but you disregard two important facts:
    1. I am in the process of building a hospital which will finally bring adequate healthcare to all of our citizens.
    2. Those two-hundred people are the only two-hundred people that can pay for healthcare, through taxes. The Yoshiian Alliance, in an attempt to help alleviate the Luigiian government’s severe cash shortage, pays an allotment of approximately four-hundred thousand Legoleons per year in funds to the Luigiian government. This is to pay for building structures and homes, beds for people, and other necessities. Currently, the average Luigiian salary averages forty thousand Legoleons per year (one Legoleon equals one tenth of a cent in American dollars, decent value considering that an average minifigure requires only the amount of food per year that a human would need adjusted for the minifigure’s much lower weight). In order to pay the seven specialists the Luigiians would undoubtedly need (such as optometry to repaint eyes, orthopedics to repair cracked limbs, general practice for exams, X-ray technicians to assess internal damage, dentists for painting mouths, and perhaps a nurse and surgeon) would require two-hundred-eighty-thousand Legoleons per year, leaving only 120,000 Legoleons left for furthered construction of homes, businesses, factories, and other important items. We currently have one general-practice physician named Mike from Canada who is paid forty-thousand Legoleons per year and who treats anyone who needs medical care. There are no insurance companies in the Luigiian Republic currently because the state simply pays a doctor. That said, if specialists were required I still feel that the free market could encourage physicians to do their best and thus get more patients, thereby increasing his salary.
    In response to the “Justinian election process”, I would like to see a better method of counting votes, but minifigures are difficult to persuade to vote in elections. I do the best I can, which isn’t much. If you have a better idea, I’d love to hear it.
    It is very interesting that you argue that my gender identity issues are clouding my mind and confusing my thought processes, as I did not know your gender in previous posts (you never told me). Further, it is quite interesting that you, an outsider to the Republic, are so very interested (and angry) about its election processes. Tell me, Gaddy, is your problem with me on a bureaucratic or a personal level?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: