You know, sometimes car websites have some interesting political commentary in addition to their typical drivel about the latest Ferrari, Lotus or Lamborghini. For example, The Truth About Cars, one of the best car websites on the Internet if you happen to be a sadist, ran an interesting little piece on House Resolution 1252, or as I like to call it, the “Let’s Go Back To The 1970s Because The 1970s Were So Awesome” bill. In HR 1252, the writers–who were of course Democrats–attack gas dealers and refineries that unfairly jack up prices, just like they stopped gas prices from moving with the market in the seventies and leaving the average person to ask, “So what is ‘unfairly’, anyway?” HR 1252 (vaguely) answers that , but I don’t really care.
As I read through that report, and as I admired the speed and reliability of my new wireless Internet connection, I realized eventually that each PC’s OS is as varied as the various views on the political spectrum. Without further ado:
Microsoft Windows: Republican
The good ol’ standby. Windows OS started out from the archaic underpinnings of MS-DOS, and still runs at its heart on basically the same thing. In the same tradition, Republicans started out from the ashes of the pro-business Federalist Party, and though they now run on several different platforms, from hating gay marriage to hating abortions to hating women and gays in general, they still, at heart, rely on that good ol’ screw-the-common-man platform to make every decision. It’s the party that gives you no other choice because they always win and everything is set up for them, from our political system to the business system that always supports Republicans. Though everybody hates them and they’re full of crap, Republicans win every election they’re put into. In the same way, Microsoft always wins because every bit of computer system currently in place is designed for Windows and the Windows format. They still, at heart, rely on that good ol’ screw-the-common-man platform with bold ideas like Digital Rights Management to take the abilities of the user to use his computer the way he chooses away from him. And even though everyone hates Windows, which is bloated (i.e. full of crap we don’t use), everybody uses it. Or at least it seems like it.
Apple OS: Democrat
The computers–and party–designed for the “common man”, which is a code word here for “moron”. Everything here is designed to be as inoffensive and bland as possible to avoid further detracting from the Democratic Party’s/Apple’s small user base. Apple claims to be the easier OS to use (making it easy, therefore, for the average Joe) and costs twice as much as a typical PC, reducing that common-man image. By the same token, Democrats claim to be the party of the working man, getting into a big tizzy whenever a company fires workers, shuts down a plant, or reduces wages, while it helps out big business by supporting businesses regardless of what they say and increasing the minimum wage, which does nothing to help America’s middle class or anybody save the poorest of the poor in the U.S. If Democrats want to help out the poor, why not help reduce the difficulty of filing taxes or paying medical bills so people can have more time to work and make ends meet?
Actually, this could be listed under Labor Party, since it’s actually kind of like a free version of Apple OS and therefore better fulfills the concept of an OS for the working man better, but there’s no real Labor Party presence in the United States, and besides, I don’t really care. Linux, like the Libertarian label, is really just for pompous asses who think that they’re better and know more about computers/politics than everybody else because they’re unique and unique people are always smartest (don’t take it for me, just look at Goths or sadomasochists as examples). In concept, libertarianism is better than either Democrats or Republicans since it takes the original liberal view that “the government that governs best governs least”, and since it doesn’t really support anybody in particular, it would stand to be quite fair and reasoned, but it can’t do anything politically. Linux, in the same way, is free to use, so it follows that it should be better than the other two, which force people to pay, but it’s worthless (like you’ll find a popular videogame for the Linux platform). Libertarianism/Linux only serves as a convenient way for former Democrats/Apple users and Republicans/Windows users to vent at their crappy party/OS for a long period of time. So, you ask, why do people still use Linux? Perhaps it has to do with the penguin they use, and libertarians should follow their lead:
I could go on, but I think I’d better check my voting card to figure out what OS I should buy for my computer next. I think I’ll choose N/A.