In spite of the Luigiian Republic’s name, I’ve been Governor (or President as the new title is to be after my high school graduation) for ten years (check the banner on the side of this site). My rule has been virtually unchallenged for those years, except for the brief period of time in which Luigi took over, because he’s a Republican fascist Nazi and he hates me, and I hate him. Insult my linguini, will you, Luigi? The President’s linguini? I think not!
And yet, a new challenger, one who has dared challenge my omnipotent role as ruler of the fair Republic, has come to the fore. Her/his name is Gaddy, and he/she says that he/she can do a better job than me, assuming of course that he/she is in fact of a gender. I don’t know if this person is from my school or not; I frankly could not tell if she was from my school if s/he were standing right in front of me and kissed me on the lips. Although if she happens to be female, I will not stop her from doing just that. Please, Gaddy? I don’t care what you look like! As long as you have a face!
Ahem. Maybe not. Anyway, so s/he says that I’m becoming a crusty old geezer, and s/he could do a better job as Governor because s/he happens to be a newcomer and therefore could have new ideas instead of my tired, Prehistoric old concepts of what a governor should be (i.e. an ass-kissing political slimebag). I gently informed her that I would execute her if she tried to become Governor, but she just wouldn’t listen. And of course, the lawyers bitched at me too.
So now, as it turns out, if I don’t let her run against me in 2008 like Luigiian Constitutional law dictates, Senate Majority Leader Yoshima Yoshoi will lead a posse of angry machete-wielding Lego figures to my house. And so, I must announce that elections will be held November 4, 2008 and that the first 100 people who register to try for the Luigiian Presidency will receive a free T-shirt, or something. Oh yes, and they’ll be eligible for the Luigiian Presidency. And then I will summarily execute all of them. And their families, except their first born who I will sell into slavery.
Ha ha! That was a joke! None of that will happen! You’ll just get to be President of the Luigiian Republic! Oh, yes: And I call dibs on Head Architect. You just get to be President. You’ll probably get a T-shirt, and maybe a little plaque or something, I don’t know. All I know is, how it’ll probably work is, I’ll get out my little Excel spreadsheet, and I’ll arrange all the names, and then I’ll assign each one a number, and then whoever’s number comes up the most when I randomly give each minifigure a number gets the prize.
I know, I know, this is a lot to handle, but I have just one thing to say: Give me my dignity, at least. Thanks.