Post By PrettyPrincess: Pranks To Play On Boys

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govener depoy told me 2 say i drew this myself!!!!! no help from him!! see im a good drawer

hey everone!!!! 2day we re going 2 go over some fun little pranks u cn play on tenage boys 2 irritate them!!!!! hahaha its sooooooo fun!

are u ready? k, here they are:

  • act liek you like a guy nd then act like a bitch to him!!!!!1

hahaha this one is sooooo fun to do especilly 2 nurd-boyz. First, u go 2 a niec concert or sumthn he lieks and act all cooooooll, like u liek him and giv him ur phone number (or intarnet im address, aftr all theyre nerds) then when he calls u bck, u dont pick up or u tell him hes a stalker nd nevar call again or else youll cal the police on him!!!!!!!!1 hahahah its so cute when nerds tink there good enuf for u!!!

  • act liek an idiot al tha time so everone thins ur stoopid!!!!!

This one is good so boys think that you’re so stupid you can’t do anything even remotely productive or good for them (other than sex, but that’s usually good, unless it’s with somebody who doesn’t look exactly like you want him to down to specifically-placed body hairs). You’ll never understand how well this has worked for me. For example, I once had a class where there were several boys and a few girls like me. It was easy to get out of work. There were two major things you had to do:

  1. Do everything as badly and slowly as you can. When you accidentally do well at something, you have to gloat to the boys about how smart girls are.creep.jpg
  2. When all else fails and the males in your class are getting sick of you, you sit on the laps of the dumbest ones so they’re so horny they can’t get any work done, either.

Oh sure, a few hard-working nerds will get irritated by your idiotic behavior, but that’s just because they’re on to you, and nobody cares what they think anyway.

  • post half-nekkid picturs of urself on tha intarnet 2 teese boyz!!!

this 1 is a litle bit dangurus if ur not carful. be sure nevar 2 show off 2 much of urself, try to maek ur face diffcult 2 see then when soem oldar man (prefarbly admin on site) teels u how prety u r u thank him and atack nebody (thats anybody) else who sez that ur prety nd say there perverts its relly fun!!!!!!!1

best site 2 teese boyz on is myspase or flickr try not 2 go 2 anime or videogame sites or else theyll see u as a nurd and wont liek u!

  • be as vindicktive, arogant and mean as possible.

disgusting_woman.jpgboyz liek mean girls, they see them as unaprochable and therfore apealing. u wnt 2 act liek theyre dirt evan if u liek them. if they try 2 get ur atention by touch u on tha shoulder u give them a dirty look nd if they try 2 talk 2 u try to get out of the conversation 2 tha point that it turns them off.

act liek a lesbian, evan if u arnt one.

boyz like lesbos, this is very good way 2 get boyz 2 liek u nd its very funy to see tha looks on theyre faces when tehy hear ur stories of hooking up with ur girlfriends. nevarmind tehy might expect u 2 do taht in real lief when u hook up wit them! u might not evan live that long (u know u nevar know)!!!!

so remembar these. if u do tehm right theyre very funny nd fun!

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My Ass’s Review of Cars: Toyota Tacoma, Nissan Frontier, Chevy Colorado, Ford Ranger

My mother and I looked at trucks on Saturday (the 23rd). What happened was a sort of deal whereby I got to look at pickups, and my mother got to eat at Bennigan’s, and so we’d both be happy in the end. Which is true: We were certainly both happy at the end, and I was satisfied, kind of.

My requirements were simple: I wanted to see if I could find a pickup truck with EPA 21 MPG overall fuel economy, a usable backseat, a reasonable size, and an automatic transmission. I didn’t give a rat’s ass about power, steering, or anything like that. I wanted to see a truck that could do work efficiently and easily. But, of course, I didn’t drive them, so I thought it wrong to just post on the Internet all willy-nilly about what I saw via sitting in a motor vehicle which was designed to be used for something other than sitting. However, my ass wanted to, because it had a lot to say about interior accommodations. On the side, I’ll chime in about random specs for no apparent reason.

Chevy Colorado–The Latest Crap From Chevy.

Truck Towing Something

Yeah, like you’d really want to haul something like that with this truck.

 

My Ass’s Take: This is ass, and trust me, I know ass. Just sitting in this thing was awful. Now, of course, Justin’s mom loved it, but that’s just because it had four seats. Everything about it sucked, from the way it looked to the way I felt when I sat in it.

My Take: This is ass. For a truck with poor specs like the Chevy’s (4000 lb. towing, $22,000 sticker price, cardboard interior) I expected decent fuel economy. I was wrong. Every truck in Chevy’s lineup essentially gets 18 mpg, which sounds OK, but isn’t. For the crew cab, maybe. But get this: A 4-cyl Chevy Colorado extended or regular cab gets the exact same fuel economy with automatic as it’s five-cylinder cousin, despite being fifty horses shorter on power. Horrible. And the interior isn’t even any good–I’d have to say the Ford Ranger has it beat, and that’s saying something considering they haven’t changed the damned thing in over six years.\

Nissan Frontier

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My Ass’s Take: I liked this truck a lot. Its seats are very comfortable, except the back ones. Well, for me both seats were OK, but my owner’s legs couldn’t fit very well, and his back was straight up and down in the back.

My Take: I was most disappointed with the Nissan. If you don’t know, let me explain: The Nissan is based off of a full-size truck, in this case the Titan. That means it has full-size weight, and it feels wonderfully solid. It wasn’t as roomy as the Toyota I saw, but its rear seats were more comfortable and its seating position was good. In other words, the chassis, interior, styling, room, build quality, and size are all good for a truck. Which is of course why they chose to put a carlike base engine, the weak-ass QR25, in the front. This engine struggles out 21 mpg with a manual, and 19 with an automatic, 2 mpg less than with a Ford or Toyota model. It barely hauls 994 lbs, hundreds behind any other truck in its class, which would be understandable if it were fuel-efficient. With the gutless QR25 (the only way to go to get more than a paltry 17 mpg), this truck is just weak in the front end. Which is a shame, because it’s awesome. The solution (Nissan, I hope you’re listening): Add maybe twenty horses and twenty pound-feet of torque. That would help fuel-economy and performance (fuel-economy, because its 19 mpg total comes from struggling under so much weight).

Ford Ranger

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It may be this color on the Internet, but in real life, you’re going to get white.

My Ass’s Take: This seemed pretty solid as a base truck. No back seats, but the front ones weren’t too bad, with more room than needed. It was tiny, and seemed familiar…

My Take: I checked out a basic Ranger regular cab 4-cyl automatic, and it seemed like good overall size-to-usability ratio was to be had here. To be fair, the Ranger is essentially twenty-four years old, which is bad. It got decent reviews till 2004, when the new models from other manufacturers came in; because they were bigger, Ford ate their dust.

As a four cylinder economy model, the Ranger still makes sense, because it has decent fuel-efficiency and small size going for it. With six cylinders, a Nissan or Toyota is better (I’d go with Nissan, since its V-6 don’t need no stinkin’ premium fuel). Though I liked the Nissan the best, the Ford has clean looks, fuel-economy on par with the other fuel-sipper, the Toyota, and small size. When I actually drive one, though, its age will seem more apparent. And before you say its 143-horses can’t cut it, just remember that it has less poundage to carry than the others.

Toyota Tacoma

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Yes, this is seriously what the Tacoma looks like if you don’t go PreRunner.

My Ass’s Take: I don’t see what all the fuss is about with this piece of ass. Its backseat is unusable, the front seat isn’t as comfortable as many others, and it’s ugly, in front and back.

My Take: This was something of a disappointment, because it had the best extended-cab backseat space (around 28 inches) but didn’t use it well. Comparing it to the Nissan was difficult, as the only thing it has going for it, from what I saw in four-cylinder form, is a lighter weight and a bigger engine. Sure it’s bigger all around, but its hauling and towing aren’t much better than most others, and its backseat is just plain bad. I know many of you are thinking Ford Ranger here, but the Toyota was something different. I sat back there, with the front seat angled comfortably, and I had plenty of room, with my knees just barely touching the front seat. Unfortunately, there aren’t any headrests on the backseat, and the backrest itself was basically plastic. It’s a crying shame, too, because otherwise it could have been a much better value.

For a four-cylinder model, I’d have to give it to the Ford. I know that many of those who will come here believe that the Ford is worthless, but I didn’t have much to choose from looking for a stripper model. I jettisoned the backseat requirements, and even the no-Japanese rule enforced in my family, and still couldn’t find a definite winner. Here’s my take:

  • The Chevy is worthless crap. If you’re going to buy one, go for the five-cyl, because that four-cylinder unit isn’t going to save any gas (well, at least according to the EPA).
  • The Nissan is a wonderful truck, but it’s four-cylinder engine isn’t powerful enough to be a good engine for the extra weight (I’d go so far as to say Nissan’s putting it into a vehicle of this weight constitutes engine abuse), and sacrifices lots of fuel economy with an automatic.
  • The Toyota is too expensive, too ugly in base form (even worse than it looks in full off-road regalia), and too uncomfortable in front and back.

The Ford, while being a generally old design, does what it needs to do: It’s fuel-efficient, boring, and small, but in a refined, user-friendly way from what I saw. It’s definitely not as good as the Nissan, but it’s also definitely better on the inside (in my opinion) than the Chevy, with a roomier feel to the cabin and a brighter appearance (if you’re not bothered by the fact that it’s interior looks 1995-ish). Its engine, on paper at least, looks appropriate for a truck of its weight, and I think it uses its small size better than the Tacoma uses its extra-large dimensions, at least if you’re not one of the legions of this nation’s morbidly obese. If I go with the Ford, I’ll definitely get a camper shell to reduce hot sunlight coming in from the rear. Bottom line: If you’re looking for a fuel-efficient truck, try the Ford (4 cyl/any transmission), Nissan (4 cyl/manual) and Toyota (4cyl/any transmission). I didn’t like the Chevy, but one with a manual and four-cylinder can get 20 mpg and best-in-class power, so that’s all right too. Be careful, though: Drive them, because I think that the Ranger might suck on the road. You never know with Fords.

‘Twas Time For A New Chair

Today was one of those days. Have you ever had a day wherein you look around yourself and you see nothing but disaster all over the place, because you’ve done nothing consequential whatsoever, you know, no work, not even anything fun or interesting? Today was not one of those days for me. Today was a day not unlike one Edward Scissorhands might have, as an Avon lady comes into your haunted mansion to lead you into a new life, one of makeup and desperate housewives who want to have sex with you. Today I got my new chair.

I awoke this morning bright and early, which for me means eleven-thirty in the morning. I was “bright”, so to speak, because I knew that today was Chair Day. Next weekend will be Look At Pickup Trucks Day and Go To Madrid, “The Land of the Hippies” Day, but today was especially important to me. Like Christmas, only with lumbar support.

We went to American Furniture first. You know, just to get a feel, to “test the waters”, as well as because they have the cheapest reclining chairs, and my mom didn’t want to spend that much on a chair. As we entered through the door, I was awakened to an overpowering stench. A stench of leather and fresh polyester, but another smell as well. A smell of evil.
evil_in_fabric.gif“Good morning, what can I do for you?” inquired the happy salesman.

“Ah, we want to look at chairs”, responded my mother.

“Oh, then you’re going the wrong way. They’re over there, on the other side of the store”, he said. I had already known, and I told her, but she wouldn’t listen. My mother never listens to me when I’m using my geek sense. You know what geek sense is. It’s that sense some people have that lets them memorize every inconsequential detail known to man, except their girlfriend’s birthday. I have that sense. I was made aware of that by a friend of mine named Frank, at a party where he introduced me to the webcomic Megatokyo. But that’s another story.

But as we neared the chairs, trying to ignore the salesperson who was stalking behind us, darting behind the bookshelves and living room sets, I knew something was wrong. I felt around, sitting down in chair after chair, and they all had a horrid, carpetlike covering resembling chair fabric. They also cost upwards of $400.00.

“I don’t like the texture”, I said.

“Oh, that’s a rough sort of fabric. You want a smoothness, you go with the polyester”, said the salesman, or something to that effect, from behind an armoire.

It was time to try another store. “We’ll be back”, my mother said.

“Oh, then take my card”, the salesman replied, which I took, and which I handed to my mom, and which she probably put in the vast, teeming blob which is her purse, never to be seen again. And so we left the evil of American furniture.

But this story has a very happy ending, because the next place we were going to was La-Z-Boy. I acted all nonchalant, you know, the way you do before you go to La-Z-Boy, because deep down inside you’re shouting YAAAAAAY! over and over again and you’re really happy and you know that now this is getting good but you don’t want to startle your mother. La-Z-Boy, in case you’re a no-good Communist Libertarian, is the Heaven of reclining chairs. It is the place the good chairs go, the ones with nice tasteful wood legs and reclining backs that you can take off so you can fit the chair through the door. It’s like the Toyota of furniture stores.

Here, we were led to the back of the store, where we were shown a handful of chairs, but I knew what I wanted. I am a connoisseur of chairs. I would not be led around by these soft-butted plebians.

“What’s your cheapest chair?” I asked.

“Oh, that would be a small chair”, the salesperson said. Isn’t that like La-Z-Boy. They’re just awesome like that, instead of selling a cheaper large chair with cheaper materials, they just shrink a good chair, just my size. But of course, there were many like that, and so I was forced to give my old Chair-Critic a good sitting. The first was backed by a strange material, apparently from the planet Venus. The next was of an even stranger material.

“Oh, yeah, that one’s got nubbies on it”, the salesman said, or something like that, I can’t really remember.

Anyway, the last one got my vote:

Yaaaay Chair!

It’s a little green one. A little firm, maybe, but it was small enough for me, and it was my favorite color. My mother seemed pleased. I know I was.

Of course, when we got it home, there were the usual jokes, like “Why is it green?” and “Oh, I want one in my favorite color! Ha ha!” But I will not back down, nor will I become the butt of their jokes. I got my chair, and it’s a present for my high-school graduation, and so I thank my grandmother and mother, and would never be mean or nasty to them, because they got me my chair.

Unless they try to sit in it. Then it’s personal.

Posted in Blogroll, Essays, Humor, Life. Comments Off on ‘Twas Time For A New Chair

Which OS Is Right For You? Just Check Your Voting Card

You know, sometimes car websites have some interesting political commentary in addition to their typical drivel about the latest Ferrari, Lotus or Lamborghini. For example, The Truth About Cars, one of the best car websites on the Internet if you happen to be a sadist, ran an interesting little piece on House Resolution 1252, or as I like to call it, the “Let’s Go Back To The 1970s Because The 1970s Were So Awesome” bill. In HR 1252, the writers–who were of course Democrats–attack gas dealers and refineries that unfairly jack up prices, just like they stopped gas prices from moving with the market in the seventies and leaving the average person to ask, “So what is ‘unfairly’, anyway?” HR 1252 (vaguely) answers that , but I don’t really care.

As I read through that report, and as I admired the speed and reliability of my new wireless Internet connection, I realized eventually that each PC’s OS is as varied as the various views on the political spectrum. Without further ado:

Microsoft Windows: Republican

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The good ol’ standby. Windows OS started out from the archaic underpinnings of MS-DOS, and still runs at its heart on basically the same thing. In the same tradition, Republicans started out from the ashes of the pro-business Federalist Party, and though they now run on several different platforms, from hating gay marriage to hating abortions to hating women and gays in general, they still, at heart, rely on that good ol’ screw-the-common-man platform to make every decision. It’s the party that gives you no other choice because they always win and everything is set up for them, from our political system to the business system that always supports Republicans. Though everybody hates them and they’re full of crap, Republicans win every election they’re put into. In the same way, Microsoft always wins because every bit of computer system currently in place is designed for Windows and the Windows format. They still, at heart, rely on that good ol’ screw-the-common-man platform with bold ideas like Digital Rights Management to take the abilities of the user to use his computer the way he chooses away from him. And even though everyone hates Windows, which is bloated (i.e. full of crap we don’t use), everybody uses it. Or at least it seems like it.

Apple OS: Democrat

Democratic Apple Humper

The computers–and party–designed for the “common man”, which is a code word here for “moron”. Everything here is designed to be as inoffensive and bland as possible to avoid further detracting from the Democratic Party’s/Apple’s small user base. Apple claims to be the easier OS to use (making it easy, therefore, for the average Joe) and costs twice as much as a typical PC, reducing that common-man image. By the same token, Democrats claim to be the party of the working man, getting into a big tizzy whenever a company fires workers, shuts down a plant, or reduces wages, while it helps out big business by supporting businesses regardless of what they say and increasing the minimum wage, which does nothing to help America’s middle class or anybody save the poorest of the poor in the U.S. If Democrats want to help out the poor, why not help reduce the difficulty of filing taxes or paying medical bills so people can have more time to work and make ends meet?

Linux: Libertarian

Actually, this could be listed under Labor Party, since it’s actually kind of like a free version of Apple OS and therefore better fulfills the concept of an OS for the working man better, but there’s no real Labor Party presence in the United States, and besides, I don’t really care. Linux, like the Libertarian label, is really just for pompous asses who think that they’re better and know more about computers/politics than everybody else because they’re unique and unique people are always smartest (don’t take it for me, just look at Goths or sadomasochists as examples). In concept, libertarianism is better than either Democrats or Republicans since it takes the original liberal view that “the government that governs best governs least”, and since it doesn’t really support anybody in particular, it would stand to be quite fair and reasoned, but it can’t do anything politically. Linux, in the same way, is free to use, so it follows that it should be better than the other two, which force people to pay, but it’s worthless (like you’ll find a popular videogame for the Linux platform). Libertarianism/Linux only serves as a convenient way for former Democrats/Apple users and Republicans/Windows users to vent at their crappy party/OS for a long period of time. So, you ask, why do people still use Linux? Perhaps it has to do with the penguin they use, and libertarians should follow their lead:

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I could go on, but I think I’d better check my voting card to figure out what OS I should buy for my computer next. I think I’ll choose N/A.

Gaddy’s Election II

My esteemed opponent “Gaddy”, who has challenged my Presidency in the Luigiian Republic, has detailed strongly her positions, which she says makes her the most eligible candidate for the Presidency/Governorship. In her latest post s/he writes:

“The only thing that is absurd is the notion that you have the auadcity to argue that you actually care for the citizens of Luigiville. Afterall, wasn’t it you who said on June 4, 2007:

‘The great Luigiian Republic shall remain under the dictatorship of the one, the only… EMPEROR JUSTINIAN!’

That sounds like someone who is more concerned with maintaining his power than someone who cares about the people who lives in the place he “rules.” A republic, which I believe Luigiville should be, is not ruled by one person, but by the people who elect their leader. Therefore, here is what I believe should be a staple of Luigiville:

1. One Person; One Vote
2. Judicial Independence
3. Health Care for All

Only then can you begin to refer to Luigiville as a true republic. I promise to make good on these issues in my first 100 hours in office.”

While indeed her/his opinions are indeed valid, her/his argument that the Luigiian Republic is not a true Republic is silly. I have lost the Governorshp in previous years, however, I was reelected later in real, one-vote-per-person elections. The tabulations, using a random-number generator and simple addition functions on an Excel spreadsheet, were indeed as real as can be for a Lego city.

I take great pride in the Luigiian Republic’s electorate/electoral system, which in my opinion is the best ever designed for a city made up of plastic people. Here’s how it works:

  1. Five (soon to be six) districts each nominate two or more candidates for the Governorship. In the last election, those candidates totaled three per district: One each for the Cougar Party, Lobo Party, and Mariolandian Party.
  2. Those candidates participate in one debate, during which they outline their basic platform.
  3. An Excel spreadsheet, with randomly generated numbers representing political views (negative for Liberal, positive for Conservative) is generated; each person’s political view is calculated by the computer program by adding each negative or positive number together (representing views on sexuality, economics, society, etc.) to arrive at a negative or positive answer.
  4. Each of those numbers are converted to their absolute positive or negative answer (-1, 1 or 0); those numbers are added together (again by the computer; I’m too lazy to do it myself) to arrive at a district’s total tally.
  5. Those numbers determine who wins which district’s electoral vote. The candidate with the most electoral votes wins.

That said, however, I encourage Gaddy to voice her opinion on the electoral system, which still has its flaws.

Her three mandates in her first one-hundred hours in office border on socialism (especially her mandate “Healthcare for all”) and are strictly unnecessary, in my opinion. I feel that the free market can fix the Republic’s admittedly aging healthcare system better than the Luigiian government can, as competition will ensure that the best healthcare possible in a city of only two-hundred people will be given.

I encourage Gaddy to continue her arguments, and to flesh out her three mandates. Her challenge is quite interesting.

The Impossible Has Happened: I Now Hate P**** H***** Even More

(Update (June 20, 2008): Yes, this article is indeed about Paris Hilton. If you are looking here for naked pictures of the thing, go the hell away, I don’t have any, and you’re using up my bandwidth. Sorry, I’m just sick of getting “Paris Hilton ASS” and “Paris Hilton Getting Out Of Car No Underwear” in my Google Search entries. Thank you.)

I don’t normally write about stupid-assed celebrities on my site. I despise celebrities. To me, celebrities are people who sit on their asses, do nothing, and for their incompetence and laziness they actually get to make millions of dollars and get out of jail with no strings attached.

Today, while I was reading about the latest stupidities on Livejournal and minding my own business, I got slammed with the latest celebrity news by my well-meaning grandmother, who cranks up the volume on our TV to the point that dead people can hear it from the local cemetery fifty miles away. As it turns out, apparently Paris Hilton didn’t have to serve out her prison sentence that she got for being a dirty man-humping ho (it doesn’t matter if that’s what they said exactly, that’s what she deserves); in fact, she barely served three days in jail.

I hate Paris Hilton. I hated her when she was terrorizing America’s embattled middle class in her “Simple Life” bullshit, I hated hearing about her sex tapes, I hate guys who think she’s hot. I hate Paris Hilton. Period. Any man who seriously thinks that bony, vacant-looking whore is attractive enough to bang deserves to get a sexually transmitted disease.

And no, it’s not that she’s ugly, per se, but if you’re going to be as stupid, lazy and obnoxious as Paris Hilton you’d better look like the Venus herself to impress me. I remember watching one episode of “The Simple Life”. The way that she lied, cheated, used her body to get money, and constantly tried to sleep with guys (many of whom weren’t stupid enough to even consider such a thing; I can’t blame them, considering how many guys she’s probably porked) was disgusting. I wanted to puke after seeing that horrible show.

And then, as if Paris Hilton weren’t irritatingly prissy and vapid enough, she has her Bony Brigade (consisting of ugly skeleton-woman Nicole Richie) to annoy even more. Whenever there’s an anorexic like Richie, everybody pounces and begins to get worried. In Hollywood anyway; anywhere else and they’d laugh at her. In Hollywood, judging by the crap on tabloid news shows, it seems like whenever a woman doesn’t eat enough, all of her snobby-assed friends jump on her bandwagon and begin protecting her from the EVIL eyes of the media that she attracted to herself and send her to million-dollar therapy courses and rehab clinics. When people in Africa or Asia starve, we tell them that they have to get rid of abortions or anything else we don’t like or else they can just starve themselves to death; when people in the U.S. starve themselves, our culture fawns over them and acts like it’s a HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE THING instead of a major neurosis that the dumbass should fix herself.

I’m sick of celebrities, and I especially am sick and tired of women like Paris Hilton that piss and moan whenever the rest of society doesn’t do what she wants them to do. In fact, I think we should force Paris to do our shit work, and let an illegal alien have the good life for a little while:

Even those of you who wish that they’d simply shoot every immigrant who goes over the border whether legal or not can agree, an illegal alien deserves Paris’ fortune far more than she does. They usually serve their legal sentences, live in a crappy country, have a crappy life and work hard to get into our country; Paris, on the other hand, pussied out of her sentence, has lived in the lap of luxury her entire life, gets to party all the time and has done nothing to get the life that she has gotten. In fact, anybody who actually works for a living and does something useful for society deserves the Hilton fortune more than she does. Hell, I’ll take it. You can have it. But I’m sick of it. The next time Ms. Hilton thinks she can be a bitch and get away with it, she should have her entire fortune taken away, and her father should be given a vasectomy so he doesn’t have any more stupid brats like his daughter.

Gaddy’s Election

Official News Bulletin

In spite of the Luigiian Republic’s name, I’ve been Governor (or President as the new title is to be after my high school graduation) for ten years (check the banner on the side of this site). My rule has been virtually unchallenged for those years, except for the brief period of time in which Luigi took over, because he’s a Republican fascist Nazi and he hates me, and I hate him. Insult my linguini, will you, Luigi? The President’s linguini? I think not!

“My linguini”And yet, a new challenger, one who has dared challenge my omnipotent role as ruler of the fair Republic, has come to the fore. Her/his name is Gaddy, and he/she says that he/she can do a better job than me, assuming of course that he/she is in fact of a gender. I don’t know if this person is from my school or not; I frankly could not tell if she was from my school if s/he were standing right in front of me and kissed me on the lips. Although if she happens to be female, I will not stop her from doing just that. Please, Gaddy? I don’t care what you look like! As long as you have a face!

Ahem. Maybe not. Anyway, so s/he says that I’m becoming a crusty old geezer, and s/he could do a better job as Governor because s/he happens to be a newcomer and therefore could have new ideas instead of my tired, Prehistoric old concepts of what a governor should be (i.e. an ass-kissing political slimebag). I gently informed her that I would execute her if she tried to become Governor, but she just wouldn’t listen. And of course, the lawyers bitched at me too.

So now, as it turns out, if I don’t let her run against me in 2008 like Luigiian Constitutional law dictates, Senate Majority Leader Yoshima Yoshoi will lead a posse of angry machete-wielding Lego figures to my house. And so, I must announce that elections will be held November 4, 2008 and that the first 100 people who register to try for the Luigiian Presidency will receive a free T-shirt, or something. Oh yes, and they’ll be eligible for the Luigiian Presidency. And then I will summarily execute all of them. And their families, except their first born who I will sell into slavery.

Ha ha! That was a joke! None of that will happen! You’ll just get to be President of the Luigiian Republic! Oh, yes: And I call dibs on Head Architect. You just get to be President. You’ll probably get a T-shirt, and maybe a little plaque or something, I don’t know. All I know is, how it’ll probably work is, I’ll get out my little Excel spreadsheet, and I’ll arrange all the names, and then I’ll assign each one a number, and then whoever’s number comes up the most when I randomly give each minifigure a number gets the prize.

I know, I know, this is a lot to handle, but I have just one thing to say: Give me my dignity, at least. Thanks.