I was going to make another beautiful image to put at the start of this page. It would be a screenshot from the movie’s cover with Bob Saget‘s image posted on one of the penguins’ faces. I was going to, except that I decided I didn’t feel like making people want to vomit on their keyboard, and besides, putting Bob Saget anywhere near an endangered creature is probably animal abuse. (Note: Yes, I know I succumbed to the urge. I am so very, very sorry. PETA, please send somebody like this to get me. Poor penguins.)
Farce of the Penguins, which I consider to be the worst movie ever made, is what could have been a fun movie, except that it was made by Bob Saget. Bob Saget should not be allowed to direct movies. This is the same man, I should remind you, who for years made the “family-friendly” America’s Funniest Home Videos suck. Yes, I know, you hate that stupid show, but I think we can all agree that of all the hosts one could come up with to host a television show night after night, one that is pretty stupid to begin with, the worst one you could take would be a man who basically made it even dumber. I remember watching him go up on stage in a clown car; I think the decline of civilization peaked at the exact moment that image hit my retinas.
Now, he’s made Farce of the Penguins. Guess what? It’s stupid. Also guess what? Bob Saget is even worse (and infinitely dumber) when he’s trying to be edgy by making stupid shit jokes every ten seconds, none of which is even remotely inspired, than he is narrating home videos that routinely involve men being hit in the testicles with baseball bats. As one reviewer put it, “It has its very funny moments, but how many jokes about gassy penguins and balls does one have to endure before finally hearing something that deserves a chuckle? And why do the penguins have to complain about the cold weather throughout the entire film?” (Source: http://thecinemasource.com) In other words: Nothing but fart jokes, balls falling off, and penguins complaining about cold weather. That’s the entire damned 90-minute film! Think about that for a few seconds to let it sink in. That’s retarded. I mean, that isn’t even Anchorman retarded. That’s the kind of retarded that gets you on the special bus, for God’s sake.
In hindsight, what pissed me off about this movie is that I could get the same basic message, in an easier-to-watch package of only an hour to thirty minutes of time I could be using playing video games, by simply watching America’s Funniest Home Videos reruns. That’s what this movie is: America’s Funniest Home Videos, with adult-grade, almost-pornographic humor, and Bob Saget and other famous comedians hacking away at animals’ dignity by voicing awful sexual humor over penguin noises, for ninety minutes. If you want to watch a good movie, watch Spirited Away. If you want a funny movie, I can think of several–hell, even friggen’ Happy Feet is better than this garbage. Ditch this movie. Seriously.