ASPC: Because Suicidal People Need to be Protected from Suicidal Robots.

Today I almost had a heart attack. Take a look at that. Yes, a robot. Yes, suicide. Yes, I’m pissed off too.

But then again, I suppose this is fairly normal. You know, for writers, people who try to be humorous, or anybody lacking “social graces”. I was considering titling this post “Attention American Suicide Prevention Council: Kill Yourself”. Then I realized my mother would object. After all, you shouldn’t joke about killing anybody, including yourself. You shouldn’t joke about race. You shouldn’t joke about gender. You shouldn’t joke about American workers or things children like or puppies or children or…

And then, of course, we get to the problem here.

What the problem is that the American Suicide Prevention Council, like all these other hippies, can’t get itself straight. It argues that everything running contrary to its central thought–that suicide is NOT FUNNY and is A TERRIBLY SAD THING and SHOULD BE PREVENTED AT ALL COSTS–is wrong.

What the hell? Why the hell can’t I make fun of suicidal people? Because they’re “mentally disturbed?” Listen for just one moment: almost anything that runs contrary to popular opinion has at one time or another been considered “mentally deranged” behavior, like homosexuality and feminism. I’ll bet you my own ass that just about none of you (read: hippies) at the ASPC would ever consider calling feminism “mentally deranged” behavior.

This also pisses me off because of who’s calling the shots here. If you’ll notice, it’s an organization claiming to be for suicide victims. As if they can’t speak for themselves because they’re all too crazy to do it. The irony, as far as I can see it in all this, is that if I were to ever kill myself, it would be to get back control of my life, because fascist assholes like those at PETA, the ASPC, etc., had taken away control. If I want to kill myself, I don’t care if it is because I’m nuts or deranged or whatever. It’s my damned decision. Yes, it will hurt families. Yes, it hurts lots of people. But it’s not your damned decision, ASPC.

The saddest part about this is that–well–the commercial was one of the funniest at the Super Bowl, and when GM cuts out the suicide humor, it will no doubt take away that edgy, silly sort of humor that made the commercial so fresh and unique in the first place. I confess that I was certain from the moment I saw this commercial that it would be controversial, but I thought it a breath of fresh air for somebody to show something new, fresh, and controversial. Society, I think, needs some controversy to judge itself morally, because right now, America is finding itself at a social chasm. One side believes everything sexual should be allowed, accepted, and flaunted, while the other believes that the other side is comprised of terrorists and will lead us to the kind of decadence that ended the Roman Empire. The Super Bowl, through Janet Jackson, found itself in the middle of this depressing political quagmire. Even more sadly, that split will actually make America weaker, as we descend into needless political bickering instead of stabilizing Iraq and preparing ourselves for future military fighting.

One other thing; I’m sure a lot of people think that the robot jumping into the river is going to convince people to commit suicide. But it won’t. If a person wants to commit suicide, they’re going to do it whether we like it or not. It’s not because of a robot jumbing into a river, it’s probably because their life sucks, or they think their life sucks, or they want to quit working, or they just want to end their life. What are you suggesting? That GM is trying to sell suicide, rather than its shoddy cars? Or do you just need something to complain about, because the ASPC, like PETA, has PMS?

I know if you’ve read this far, you hate what I’ve had to say. Good. Maybe that means I got to speak my mind. Something ASPC needs to learn to respect. After all, if I had the ability, there wouldn’t be a debate. The people laughed, ASPC. Now be quiet.

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