The Nation’s High School Finals Plagued by Lubriderm

Today at our nation’s high schools, millions of young Americans–some white; some black; others, some random color–took their final exams, which they may not have, but I’m saying that they did because I did and I don’t want to feel alone in having to take my final exams. Even for high school, such exams are a powerful tool for failing students spectacularly. And even if your teachers don’t use them for such, they can at least piss away what’s left of the school year on them. And that’s the American way.

Today I had my final examinations in three subjects: English, Government Indoctrination, and Pre-Calculus That Any Qualified Japanese Person could Do At Age Twelve. I succeeded at all three, except for the last one, because I’m good at being indoctrinated, but not so good at being smart. Which brings me to my next topic, My Sad Husk of a Social Life That Is Really More Like Nothing (Because I’m Sure Internet Users Would Like To Read Another Retard’s Bitching About Why he Doesn’t Have a Girlfriend). A few days ago I said something stupid to somebody, and now that person nags me every day about it. That person happens to be female, and of course, this depresses me very badly, to the point that I am crying while writing this, as well as eating a taco. It is salty.

The taco, I mean.

Anyhow, with regards to Luigiville, everything is normal. For example, I recently used that discarded plastic snow that one gets and threw it all over the place, ensuring that when summer comes along and I have to clean Luigiville of snow-like stuff, I will wish I was dead. And everybody I go to school with will wish the same thing, especially because of the beans in the taco, and because I will attempt to use my “Mating Dance” on the girls. Do not ask what the Mating Dance is.

Finally, and sadly, winter is upon us, meaning that it will get cold, and then everything will die, and our collective skin will suddenly become dry because of a lack of rain, forcing us to use a collective tube of Lubriderm lotion. I know many of you weren’t aware of this. Neither was I, until I was made aware of the situation. This is serious, except for our soldiers in Iraq, who will continue to be hot in the desert until “President” George W. “Bush” gets his “head” out of his “ass”.

Stay tuned for more breaking coverage of my crappy life.

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