2007: Year In Review

By Rick Lego, Senior Correspondent

  • Junior year for the Governor’s now nine-year mayorship of Luigiville and two-year governorship ended last year’s National Anime Convention with a sad whimper, and several B’s, due to a lack of enthusiasm and dismal showings on Luigiian students’ report cards. Nevertheless, the city rebounded due to a wonderful summer break and strong showings. This year, Luigiian students reportedly recieved straight A’s on traditionally weak subjects, like math.
  • The War in Iraq continues to fester, as American forces lose further casualties. Total Luigiian casualties: 3, incurred when an Iraqi guardsman stepped on our small contingent.
  • Gas prices remained high around January, then began to plummet as elections came about in the United States. Nevertheless, the Republican-controlled U.S. Congress went Democrat anyway.
  • Everybody cared when Seinfeld’s Kramer, Mel Gibson, Donald Trump, and fat American lesbian Rosie O’Donnell attacked each other in a massive brawl involving pastry. Then we stopped. Mostly.
  • Former President of the United States Gerald Ford died near the end of this year, carrying with him a mixed legacy as both the man who patriotically pardoned President Nixon and controversially pardoned Richard Nixon. Despite such questionable behavior and rumors of a deal involving the pair, nothing was proven. He is remembered, like Jimmy Carter, for his respectable behavior and friendly, caring nature, rather than his Presidency.
  • Coming close after Ford’s death, Saddam Hussein was hung by the U.S. protected Iraqi government after he was handed over by the United States. The Iraqi government, in a show of speedy justice, executed him around 8:00 very soon after arrival. The execution comes with fanfare around the world and in a sigh of relief to those who joked that Hussein would “probably just get off scot free”.
  • Finally, The Luigiian Government celebrates a difficult but happy year, in spite of Governor Depoy‘s social ineptness; to the chagrin of macho Luigiian males, he was unable to get a girlfriend for the third year in a row, forcing many to question whether he deserves to be continued Governor. (Seriously.) Test scores for Luigiian students are at an all-time high, and Depoy has said that new, fully-furnished apartments will be constructed within the next few weeks. Depoy’s new LMC Rerun is hoped to be a success, and Depoy is hoping that an auto factory will provide new jobs as well as emergency living and transportation needs. This reporter wonders whether the people would prefer to just get houses, but as of press time no new word on houses has happened.