LBN Newsnet Radio Transcript: “The Anime Convention”

Rick Lego: Hello, and welcome to LBN Radio News. Today on our program we will be talking to Governor Justin Isaac Depoy to discuss some of the issues at the forefront of Luigiian Republic. Today we will be discussing Governor Depoy’s Anime Convention, which, to say the least, has been somewhat unsuccessful, but, of course, we’ll see Governor Depoy’s stance. Before that, though, let me introduce my panel, consisting of Ms. Rita Lego, Secretary of Defense Luigi Mario, and capping off with Bowserlandian King Bowser. Good evening, gentlemen.

Depoy: Good evening, or should it be good morning, considering the lateness?

RL: Well, that could be argued, but let us get to the key topic in this show. Now, Mr. Governor, everybody’s been talking about your so-called “historic” Anime Convention since you started it in the summer of 2004. Since then… well, why don’t you tell us about it?

D: All right, then. The Luigiian Republic National Anime Convention, for those listeners in the Mushroom Kingdom and Bowserland, is the…

Bowser: This show is censored in Bowserland.

D: Oh. Well, anyway, but, uh, okay. The LRNAC is the name for this part of the Luigiian Constitutional Convention, which has been moving since, oh, I don’t know, like 2000 or so?

RL: Yes, I believe it was started about there, with the Taylor Conventions.

D: Right. Well, it’s called the “Anime Convention” because that was the fad at the time. Like, when everybody started playing video games, it was called the “Video Game Convention.”

RL: You know, I really wish you wouldn’t name them as such, it gets embarassing to try to get foreigners to understand that it doesn’t really involve people wearing hideous Japanese-styled outfits and talking about what Hiroshito did last night or all that garbage.

(laughter)

D: I know, I do it for that reason. (Laughter.) But, you know, right, this convention started around 2004, coming off what’s called the “Golden Convention”, which is considered the best year our country ever had. Good times, good international relations, you know, not a lot of strife here. And in 2004, all of a sudden, we announce there’s going to be anime on LBN, there’s going to be all of this strange newness to our country. And everyone’s scared, asking, what’s going to happen to our international relations? Are we going to be all right? July 29, I remember that date.

RL: A date that will live in infamy, I’m sure.

D: Seriously. All of a sudden, the international relations go down the toilet, interest rates go up, inflation goes up, the stock market goes down, and we find ourselves in a culture war with ourselves. Kids rebel against their parents, and everyone’s blaming the Anime Convention.

RL: Well, it was their fault.

D: I think it was just that nobody was ready for that, and when our allies deserted us, that just made the whole thing worse. I almost had a nervous breakdown that year, keeping the Anime Convention working through. We came close to failing the test, that year.

RL: And yet you kept them another year.

D: No one was ready to give up the fad just yet. So I send them back, and that year wasn’t near death, but it was even more dreadful to preside over. All the fighting, the Senators threatening suicide, it was downright insane. And everybody was wary of others from other countries. We were afraid that they wanted to pop a cap in our collective butts.

RL: In hindsight, did they?

D: I don’t think so. But Senators whined, they were used to getting plunderin’ and wimmins’ from other places, you know? (Laughter.) So they were depressed.

RL: You say this year’s better, you say it’ll be the Anime Convention’s “Golden Year.” Based on the recent protests near the Governor’s Mansion, do you still believe that?

D: You know, I don’t know. I just don’t. We knew last year was going to be a bear, but we came in here rested and ready, and we still have problems.

RL: Have you ever thought about getting the Anime Convention out of office?

D: Of course. This will be their last year at the helm. Next year, we’ll start a “Collegiate Convention” or something as a replacement. Our nation just isn’t equipped to handle that much stupid Japanese cartoonage. (Laughter.) The Anime Convention may stay on as a political party, but they’ve screwed up big time. I told them this year, don’t go after the women, don’t do it, keep your sanity. These foreign women are tough, the language barriers and the different cultures. And they haven’t kept that promise. Every time they go after someone, everyone just feels worse.

RL: Why can’t people just be friends?

D: I don’t know. The Luigiian Republic is known for being… ah… a “troubled” nation. The whole darn MK bloc is.

Luigi Mario: He’s right, you know. These other peoples are a little better adjusted. The Luigiian Republic only came out of its secrecy around, say, 1997. Before that, we were a very secretive people. We still are. And that makes it hard to adjust to all these differing customs.

Rita Lego: Well, as a woman, I have to say I’m ashamed of you boys. You just have to be nice to girls. It isn’t rocket science, you know.

LM: Well, whatever science it is, Anime Conventioneers, like their real-time counterparts, aren’t very good at talking to the ladies. They don’t get it. So, we told them not to wreck their convention. They didn’t take that advice. And now, they will pay the price.

D: Yeah, don’t worry, Rita, we still love you. (laughter) You know though, just thinking, I wish the Anime Convention would…

RL: Yes?

D: Well, I wish it would do something it said it would when we started it. We decided we would resurrect the Video Game Conventions.

RL: But, I mean, Mr. Governor, weren’t those just as troubled as the current regime?

D: Yes, true, true. But it was worth it. Nintendo was worth it back then, playing it. Some of those games helped our soldiers out, too.

Bowser: Well, then, I’m glad it hasn’t worked out.

D: I’m sure.

RL: Hmmm. I suppose we could go on all night, but it appears we’ve run out of time for this portion of the show. Let me ask you one more question, Mr. Governor.

D: Shoot.

RL: Oh, no thanks. But, with regards to the question, how do you plan to rebuild your nation after the fall of the Anime Convention?

D: I really can’t say. I mean, to all those who protest, you hold in your hands the means to bring peace back to our nation. I know it’s hard, but the art of the peaceful right to assembly should be used, not that of violence. Violence will rip us apart, but peaceful assembly can bring forth the creation of new ideas, and can bring us into a new era of peace.

RL: Well, that’s the end of our…

D: May God bless our Luigiian Republic.

RL: Yes, well, right. Now, to end our broadcast day, let’s end with our national anthem…

(Copyright 2006 LBN Newsnet International, Inc. All rights reserved)

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