Post by Mike the Canadian Doctor

You know, I’ve heard very much about the internet fad, and I’ve also worked quite a bit on it (Santa Muerte’s healthcare system is centered around the Internet), and so I’ve decided to talk about healthcare pitfalls the average person gets into several times per minute, eh. So, let’s discuss how you can get fit and thin the Canadian way, which means by not eating from McDonald’s every day.

First, it’s best to get plenty of air. For example, you would not want to get on the Space Shuttle, open up the airlock and go for a spacewalk naked, because that would be an area where you would get very little air. A much better idea is to go ahead and take a walk around your neighborhood naked. This way, you get plenty of air; sometimes, you even get to take a ride in a police car! It’s a great way to get exercise and scare neighbors away.

Next off, you shouldn’t eat too much. Eating too much can make your stomach explode or make you fat. This fat could get in the way if you were to ever be attacked by rabid dogs. I’ve even heard reports that eating too much can cause a medical condition called “plaque”, which is this disgusting stuff that sticks to your teeth. This is enough to keep me from eating too much, and it’s also why I fast at least once per month, although I’ve also heard that you can just brush your teeth to get off this evil substance, so you might just consider eating that burger and just brushing your teeth afterwards.

Remember that good health is the key to success and getting girlfriends, because if you have any sort of disgusting health problem, for example that you don’t bathe or blow your nose so much that your pocket gets wet from holding all those Kleenexes and you have to begin using notebook paper from your notebook, people won’t like you, and you’ll never get to lose your virginity. EVER.

Post by PrettyPrincess

Helo whas goin on out ther in internetland i was just goin home form da mall and realized OMG its been soooooo looonggg since i posted on this webseit!!!!!!111 and so i sed im gonna write somethin and this is it.

my last bf broke up wit me i sooooooo sad!!!!!!!1 everythin make me soooo sad i wish ppl would love 1 another liek brothrs n sistrs becase it soooo sad when u get broken up with and i just wish it didnt have 2 be liek that LOL.

milo got in 2 dis new thing where he just starts acting like a bad ghots thing or something i dont know what i think he broke hisself at school or something D-DOGS ROOL!!!!!!1

and my friend n i r going to do something really cool 2night i hope its just awesome lol

i love you all, internet ppl i thikn your all SUPER COOL nd edvrything!!!!1111

by by

:D :P :D :P :D :P :D :P :D :P :D :P :D :P :D :P :D :P :D :P :D :P :D :P :D :P :D :P

The Webmaster’s Voice: August 17, 2006

Hello, fellow humans! Today, of course, I realized that it was time for me to update the Directory yet again. I realized this from a Real Life Comic. Let me explain.

You see, it is time for school again. But, right before school started, my cousin came over to our house and we played video games for a very, very long time, and I realized, of course, that I had not played video games for a very long time. I have no idea what happened after that, but the upshoot is that I decided to read all six and a half years of Real Life comics and taking time off to play on my Game Boy Advance, enjoying the kind of “fun” that is usually reserved to Japanese children. And so I read one of his posts about how sorry he was for not updating, and realized that I have not updated my site for quite a long time.

This site’s design is wonderful, but I think it needs a freshening up. Luigiville is about to turn ten years old. Most marriages don’t last that long. So I think a serious celebration is in order. I will buy an Xbox and several video games for the occasion, assuming the Lego figures do not beat me with sticks. I fear them, for I sleep in the same room as they do. So every night, I look at Luigiville as I go to bed, and wonder what would happen if one day they just got sick of me using my money to buy things like food and high-speed internet so I could read hundreds of Real Life comics at a time and new clothes, and just decide to go Chucky on me. You know what I mean. It is a typical fear of People with Way Too Many Toys in Their House–that the toys will kill them, after having all their clothes removed one too many times by strange children at Goodwill. So I know not what to do. Especially once I start getting real homework at school.

For now, I guess PrettyPrincess wants to post. May God have mercy on your souls.

The Webmaster’s Voice: August 17, 2006

Hello, fellow humans! Today, of course, I realized that it was time for me to update the Directory yet again. I realized this from a Real Life Comic. Let me explain.

You see, it is time for school again. But, right before school started, my cousin came over to our house and we played video games for a very, very long time, and I realized, of course, that I had not played video games for a very long time. I have no idea what happened after that, but the upshoot is that I decided to read all six and a half years of Real Life comics and taking time off to play on my Game Boy Advance, enjoying the kind of “fun” that is usually reserved to Japanese children. And so I read one of his posts about how sorry he was for not updating, and realized that I have not updated my site for quite a long time.

This site’s design is wonderful, but I think it needs a freshening up. Luigiville is about to turn ten years old. Most marriages don’t last that long. So I think a serious celebration is in order. I will buy an Xbox and several video games for the occasion, assuming the Lego figures do not beat me with sticks. I fear them, for I sleep in the same room as they do. So every night, I look at Luigiville as I go to bed, and wonder what would happen if one day they just got sick of me using my money to buy things like food and high-speed internet so I could read hundreds of Real Life comics at a time and new clothes, and just decide to go Chucky on me. You know what I mean. It is a typical fear of People with Way Too Many Toys in Their House–that the toys will kill them, after having all their clothes removed one too many times by strange children at Goodwill. So I know not what to do. Especially once I start getting real homework at school.

For now, I guess PrettyPrincess wants to post. May God have mercy on your souls.

Post from the “Church of Mel”

(EDITOR’S NOTE: The following is the text from a pamphlet by the Church of Mel Gibson. At least, we think it is.)

Hello, churchgoers! Today, we will be discussing the problems facing the Jews of Israel, some of the most persecuted peoples ever to grace our Earth. We feel that it is important to help these people recover from their horrible past. Therefore, as his apology to the Jews for the Christian community, as well as his apology for some unusual behavior he exhibited earlier, he has proposed the following plan.

First, we must remember that Jews are persecuted here in the United States. Therefore, Mel has urged that all Jews must be moved, so that they don’t have to worry about our anti-Semitism here in the United States. He has said that they should be moved to Israel.

Second, anti-Semitism occurs around the world, not just here. One only need look at the terrible Holocaust during World War II to realize that (if, of course, it in fact occurred.) Because of this, he also has said that all Jews around the world should be moved back to their homeland of Israel, for their own sake.

Third, he has also said that the Arabs as well have been persecuted for their beliefs, through such evil “holy wars” as those in Iraq and Afghanistan. This has occurred for centuries, but, he says, has escalated exponentially since the founding of the modern Israeli state in 1948. Therefore, he says, it is the duty of the United States to destroy its ties with Israel and join the side of the Palestinians.

Finally, Mel Gibson says that since we need to stop the violence in the Middle East, it is necessary to destroy the volatile agent. Since, by his own knowledge, Israel is the volatile agent, we must begin nuclear annihilation of the Israelis. Mel believes that this is the best way to end the wars across the world.

Mel Gibson has stated for the Church that he loves all people, and that all people need to be treated with respect. He also believes that the above is the best way to end all war across the world.

This concludes this post. Just remember:

Keeping Jews in America is Rotten!

So please, let’s help them, here. After all, what else would Mel do?

(EDITOR’S NOTE: Yes, we know that this is probably just some hoax. Still, after all, we are the liberal media; what else would we do but post this? Besides, it isn’t like it’s serious, or anything…)