LuigiRepublic Is Getting Down (Again)

In case you’re wondering (yeah right), my school won a Mock Trial Tournament using only a duck. I’ll explain later, after everything there is over, in a piece entitled Mock Trial Report 2006: They Call Him Kappy.

Anyway, moving on, Luigiville received its third shipment of bricks from Bricklink. Of Course I didn’t get enough. I believe that, whenever the Earth’s beings are green alien-type creatures who are capable of intergalactic space travel, I (by then, a floating head in a jar typing on a computer using brain waves) will still be unable to get enough Lego bricks to actually finish my buildings. Even then, the bricks will be yellowed and covered with God knows what. However, in good news, the new structures are really beautiful. They look like real little miniature houses with little knobby things every foot. The fire station is the best, in my opinion, but my new apartments passed their “Super Awesomeness Test” with flying colors, meaning I’ll just replicate them fifty times like rabbits. Like I’m actually going to use three hundred separate styles for building houses for dead plastic people.

In other news: Luigirepublic.com has been redesigned, now with 50% less fat and/or calories. Check it out: http://members.aol.com/luigirepublic/. I understand most of the people have agreed to make something worth reading. I still have my doubts. Please attempt to get through PrettyPrincess, OK? Please get her to shut up.

That’s about it. Also, sorry for no update last week. I know that many of you become extremely angry when I don’t post (of course that means you, Dr. Fartknocker) but you have to understand that since nobody actually visits this site except for five naval officers in Guam, I don’t really care. Please be advised.

Illiterate 14-year-olds can’t write. So stop.

One unusual thing I’ve noticed about the Internet is that those who try to make a funny site usually fail, and those who want to make a serious site usually wind up succeeding. In being funny, of course. I don’t understand it, but I think this is just further proof that the Internet makes you stupid. I believe that, if Mark Twain were to write a blog on blogspot.com, he would end up writing like this:

“Anyway, ok, so liek 2day i had a kewl tyme wryting my n3w bl0gz0r p057z0r 4nd th3n I 473z0r t3h 54ndwichz0r th47 my m0m m4d3…”

Anyway, you get the idea. In case you don’t understand what I’m talking about, the last sentence was written using what is known as “l33t”, which was made by nerds to make each other’s brains explode. Nobody, not even a Star Trek geek so serious he could tell you the exact moment in episode 316-G where Captain Kirk was eaten by a shark, could read the preceding sentence without going blind. I’m not sure if the language was made so that jocks would eventually have to wear glasses like the nerds had to SO THEY NEVER GOT LAID THROUGHOUT COLLEGE AND STILL HAVE TO GO TO DOG POUNDS FOR DATES AHHHHH but I’m assuming it is. And of course, if they aren’t writing like that, then bloggers decide to use the only slightly less irritating method of writing, which serious writers call “illiterate 14-year-old girl” writing. In order to write like this, one must simply remember never to spell a single word correctly, to the point that an English major would kill himself 15 seconds into reading the first paragraph, like this:

“ok, so liek i wet hoem 2day and watned ot taek a nap adn then my bf caled and told me he hda a std adn then…”

I’m sure you think I am exaggerating. Perhaps you think “nobody could be that stupid. I mean, seriously, what was she thinking, dating a boy at age 14?” Sadly, however, this is true, and happens often. Nevertheless, you already knew that bloggers were that bad. As testament to this, 95% of all English majors in the United States are already dead.

I say it’s time to stop this pointless waste. For example, first all adults in the U.S. should tell their teenagers that not everybody is going out, and that in their day it was normal for people to not date until they got married or until the Summer Solstice fell on November 32nd. (That is why population was so low, back in those days.) Then we really need to get started on the whole blogging thing.

Robo Granny Report Part II

Anyway, so everything’s been going well with Luigiville. I ordered the parts from Bricklink, and my mother says she’ll send the check soon, but I know the score. She’s just like those girls who I ask out and they say “Yes” and then when I don’t call after three weeks they act all snooty like I attempted to kill their grandparents. Just because they wanted to go out with me. Hey, wait! That brings me straight to our report for the day, “Robo-Granny Report Part II”.

LAST WEEK…

We tried to get Grandma’s medicine, which is essentially rat poison.

THIS WEEK…

We found out that we can’t get Grandma’s blood test to make sure the rat poison they’re giving her isn’t killing her. I’ve seen the terrible results of this. For example:

  • People who don’t get their blood tested for rat poison begin watching America’s Funniest Home Videos, which typically features three people being hit in the crotch, and several weiner dogs doing “comical” things;
  • They begin watching golf on TV;
  • They often begin voluntarily listening to Phil Collins music.I know this by experience, especially the Phil Collins part.Although I am no medical physician, except in my Mock Trial Class where I am “Dr. Lee/Leigh Taylor”, who did not find anything strange after 7 instances of bruising in his patient, I am relatively certain that not testing the effects of rat poison on the human body is somewhat dangerous. So we are attempting to get Grandma to talk to the doctor. She continues to say that we should leave them alone and just be patient (no pun intended) with them. She says this while watching golf on TV and listening to the Phil Collins music I put on.So I am worried about my Robo-Granny. I feel that this is a scary situation, even more so than after our neighbors shot guns at our house. I don’t know what to do. I think that my dog, Sissy, agrees with me. Lately, we’ve been trying to get her to go outside and she just stumbles around, trying to figure out where she is and why she is living with humans. So I feel really bad.

    To conclude, if anybody cares (like halibut you do), I might write a third update to this breaking story next week. Otherwise I’m going to do something more fruitful with my time, such as sleeping.