Post by Nicky the Disgruntled Jewish Christmas Elf

Hey all you stupid little brats, it’s time for Christmas, so you’d all better shut the hell up or else I’ll tell Santa to get his six to eight black men to beat your asses.

Seriously though, all the town elders of Luigiville decided I oughta write what you’re all getting for Christmas so you’d quit your damned complaining.

Here it is: Little Suzy is getting her latest Barbie Doll. As if you don’t already have enough of those sexist little things. I don’t understand why your parents don’t get you something like a “Let’s Grow up with Hair on our Armpits” Doll or something like that so you’d wind up…

Ok. Little Billy gets his Supreme Death Cannon Action Figure. It’s a doll, little Billy. Quit calling it an “action figure”. If it were, it’d do your homework so you could get out of school with better than a C-. Ok, next.

Uh… Damn, there must have been a lot of naughty little brats this year… uh… Oh, Ok, little Johnny gets his Death Comet Explosive Device, as he asked for. Why is it that every year you brats ask for pretend weapons? Lord God Almighty, Jesus said to be peaceful, not to nuke each other in the next millennium, you’d think you could at least respect that principle on HIS DAMNED BIRTHDAY… Ok.

That’s about it. The rest of you are either naughty, or Jewish. I know that by experience.